PAUL'S AUDITION

PAUL:	It sure feels like home ... back here in the musty old, dusty old BCN 
	Archive, lair of radio lodestone, Ish Lundrigan.  Yes, friends, I'm 
	drawn way down to the vault, where we hear some gem or another 
	from the illustrious past of the Broadcasting Corporation of 
	Newfoundland.

SFX:	PAUL ENTERS THE VAULT

	And here he is, Ish Lundrigan.  It sure is good to see you.

ISH:	Hello, Paul.

PAUL:	What have you culled from the old days for us today ?

ISH:	In 'honour', I suppose, of your return to the radiowaves, I've found for 
	the listeners, the audition tape of a young, hopeful announcer, still 
	wet behind the ears ...

PAUL:	No, you can't be serious ...

ISH:	A young fella who thought he had some 'experience' from working at 
	the university record player ...

PAUL:	This is too embarrassing, Ish.

ISH:	Thought he was going to be the saviour of radio ...

PAUL:	Come on ...

ISH:	Thought he was some kind of gift to the ether ...

PAUL:	Ish ...

ISH:	A pioneer ... a trendsetter ... a leader ... Hoo hoo, how we laughed at 
	you, Paul.

PAUL:	Let's be fair, Ish, I was idealistic.

ISH:	Alright, let's be fair, Paul.  You were a jackass, boy.  Used to come in 
	here in your black pyjamas ... fresh out of the Viet Mun, you were 
	then ... the revolutionary stage, I suppose you'd call it ... sitting in the 
	lunchroom, squat on the floor in the corner with your little bowl of rice 
	with the ... the ... the chipsticks, is it ?

PAUL:	Chopsticks, actually.

ISH:	Yeah, that's right ... anyway, you must have needed money to pay for 
	pills or pot or something ... cause you came looking for a summer job 
	at the BCN.  I only gave you the chance cause I knew your father.  
	We were both in the Knights Templar, remember ?  Anyway, here it 
	is, folks, Comrade Paul Moth's first audition.

INSERT:	THE TAPE

PAUL:	My name is Paul Moth ... my phone number is 3491 ... 
	"Pronunciation Test": ... ahem ... "larynx ... staccato ... inquiry ... jook 
	...omadhaun ... yomyock ... Mstislav Rostropovich ... democracy ..."  
	You want to talk democracy ?  What about Chicago?  Yippie?  What 
	about My Lai ?

VOICE:	(DISTORTED OVER TALKBACK SPEAKER)  Those words are not 
	on the list.  Just read the script, Mr. Moth.

PAUL:	What do you mean ... I'm not allowed to do a political commentary ?

DISTORTED VOICE:	We have regular, informed contributors.

PAUL:	What, do you think opinion is the sole property of the "informed?"

DISTORTED VOICE:	At the BCN it is.

PAUL:	When the revolution comes, man, you're going up against the wall.

DISTORTED VOICE:	Yeah, until then, read the audition, please.

PAUL:	(UNDER HIS BREATH)  Fascist ... "andante ... time of times ... 
	Oougubomba ?... "

DISTORTED VOICE:	Go to the sports.

PAUL:	Okay ... "In Nfld Senior Hockey last night, Danky Dorrington scored 
	two goals and assisted on another as the Corner Brook Royals beat 
	the ANDCOS five to three in Grand Falls.  Clobie Collins had all three 
	goals in a losing cause.  Meanwhile in St. John's, the league-leading 
	Caps beat the Gander Flyers 11-8."  Did you know that some of 
	these guys on the Capitals get paid ?  Twenty dollars a game!  That's 
	outrageous !  In this day and age, they should be playing for the love 
	of the game !  In the epoch of totalitarian control, capitalism has 
	produced its own religion: the spectacle.
	
DISTORTED VOICE:	Just read the ...

PAUL:	I know, man, I know ... just read the script.  Look, I don't think I need 
	this kind of demeaning employment.

SFX:	THROWS SCRIPT, LEAVES ROOM

	I can get an OFY grant or something.

DISTORTED VOICE:	We're almost finished here.  Why don't you just improvise for about a 
	minute ... tell us a little about yourself.

PAUL:	I was born in St. John's in 1949, middle-class parents, living in a 
	bourgeois dream fantasy, my father was the bell-hop captain at the 
	Hotel Palmer Hotel ... raised a nominal Catholic, part of the bizarre 
	Hillman sect.  I was subjected to a brainwashing experiment by the 
	Jesuits at St. Matthew's for eleven years ... I went to MUN where I 
	studied oppressing the masses - read 'political economy.'  But I 
	dropped out and joined the student radical movement, which was 
	soon co-opted by the moderates and the apologists ... I became 
	disenchanted and depressed, until I discovered the Viet Mun and 
	merged with them.  We've been occupying the weight room in the 
	phys ed building for the last year and a half.  But we needed some 
	money, so it was decided I should try to get a job ... for the cause.

SFX:	ISH TURNS TAPE OFF

ISH:	Going to collectivize all of Quidi Vidi Road, you were ... take out all 
	the lawyers and shoot them ... my my my ... how time's have 
	changed ... who's sold out, hey, Paul, hey, who's sold out.

PAUL:	Ish, thanks ... a lot ... for this humourous reminder of things past ... 
	and I trust we'll see you next time ...

ISH:	In the Vault.  Heh-heh-heh.