GE 1995 Season 2 Episode 8: Wordworks
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.
WORDWORKS - 8
PAUL: It's time for another instalment of Wordworks, our review of current
literary goings on in the province. And with me is my favourite letter
lover, Kathleen Hanrahan. Welcome back, good Kate.
KATHLEEN: Oh, it's good to see you above ground, Paul.
PAUL: What do you have for us today, Kathleen?
KATHLEEN: It will soon be Back to School for kids here in Newfoundland, so I've
brought in a few of the new books in the school curriculum.
PAUL: Well, that sounds like fun.
KATHLEEN: Really ?
PAUL: Well, no, actually. I don't have very fond memories of school and
certainly not of the curriculum.
KATHLEEN: Remember any of the texts?
PAUL: What was there? The Math Primer ... what did we used to call it?
KATH: The old Himmler.
PAUL: The Himmler ... then there was "Word of the Empire."
KATHLEEN: Right, the English Book.
PAUL: ... and ... oh yes Carnage in Europe, the History Text.
KATH: All a little out of date.
PAUL: Indeed. So with dry mouth and heavy heart, I seize hold of the first book
on the stack here, and it is ... The World `n' Stuff ?
KATHLEEN: That's for a new course that's replacing history, literature, social studies,
geography, art, music, and so forth.
PAUL: But Kathleen: 93 pages ? And printed and published in the US ? Look
here, the entry under Newfoundland - "discovered by Vikings who voted
to join the Canadian Confederation in 1959." Doesn't this concern you
somewhat as a critic and a writer ?
KATH: I don't know, what with the end of history and all. The consensus seems
to be that kids need less liberal arts background and a lot more
computer training.
PAUL: But you, personally, you must disagree.
KATH: What did you ever get out of it?
PAUL: I'm sure that's not a serious question.
KATH: Come on, what did you ever get out of your education ?
PAUL: Wow ... what did I get out of my education ... well for one thing ... no, I
think I picked that up in a men's washroom in Guadalajara ... come to
think of it, I guess thousands of educators can't be wrong.
KATH: Besides, the new computerized text covers a lot of the grinding factual
memory work that teachers used to monitor.
PAUL: Computerized text?
KATH: Here you go.
PAUL: I see. On first glance, a normal text book, but ... ah ! I open the "book"
and it's a lap top computer. This must be costing the province a fair
nickel.
KATH: There are a lot of savings involved here, it serves as both book and
teacher.
PAUL: Thus helping the government in their ongoing effort to reduce benefits to
individuals and drive organized labour out of the western world.
KATH: Exactly, and using computers to displace those very workers,
PAUL: Ingenious. Whatever will they think of next?
KATH: Why don't you boot 'er up?
PAUL: You really love tormenting me don't you, Kathleen ? Anyway, let's try
and teach this old dog a few new tricks.
MACHINE: Hello, I am Mr. Know It All.
PAUL: Hello, Mr. Know It All, I am Mr. Moth.
KATH: Just type in a subject.
PAUL: You're just like a school teacher, Kathleen, no fun allowed ... alright,
alright ... History ... I did pretty well in that.
KATH: C plus ?
PAUL: Kathleen, please. I was a solid B minus student. And ... there is a
question flashing at me on the screen. "The War Measures Act was
proclaimed in 1970 by Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau to : a) put down an
apprehended insurrection by the Front de Liberation du Quebec; b)
Arrest the destruction of Post Office property; c) insure victory in the
1972 election; or d) shore up Quebec for better banking." That's an easy
one Kathleen, "d". Serving bankers interests was ...
MACHINE: You are incorrect.
PAUL: No, I'm not. That's the answer.
MACHINE: No talking back, Mr. Moth.
PAUL: (under his breath) Tool.
MACHINE: I heard that, Mr. Moth. How would you like a month's detention ?
PAUL: Great Kathleen! Now I've got a month's cyber jug.
KATHLEEN: You got off easy.
PAUL: How do you mean ?
SFX: SHOCK
Ah ! Unh ! Unting uck ... the bloody thing gave me a shock !
KATHLEEN: And you only got the one answer wrong.
PAUL: So that's how our children will be educated in the future, hey ? Through
ignorance and fear.
KATHLEEN: Worked for me.
PAUL: True enough. Jeez, look at these things (sifting through books) : Faith
Anyone ?
KATHLEEN: The new interdenominational religious text.
PAUL: Account on It... Abstinence Works... Open for Business... Oh, Kathleen,
it's too depressing.
KATH: Well, there's always home schooling.
PAUL: I can't even begin to calculate the damage that would have been done to
me, had I been schooled at home. Kathleen Hanrahan, thanks as
always for bringing us the word--or what's left of it.
KATHLEEN: My pleasure, Paul.
PAUL: See you again real soon with a Wordworks devoted entirely to the new
explosion in Newfoundland smut.
KATH: Looking forward to it.