GE 1996-7 Season 3 Episode 10: Complete Script
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.
INTRO AND THEME MUSIC.
PAUL: We first heard about the
Miracle of Economology some 20
years ago. Then, it seemed
little more than another half-
baked, feel-good, self-help
scheme.
The basic tenets of
economology as voiced by its
founder R. Bennet Manning were
met by widespread ridicule.
The elimination of deficit
financing, sexual abstinence,
zero inflation, saying no to
drugs, removing the obstacles
to unlimited bank profits, and
so on.
How did these strange fiscal
notions and lifestyle choices
so quickly become part of
common wisdom and public
policy ? Did the economolgy
movement infiltrate the
spheres of influence?
The answer we know now, with
economology out of the closet
is ... and how!
Economology and its
shareholders dispute recent
assertions that they are a
cult. They claim to be no
more dangerous than the Rotary
Club or Aum Shinri Kyo.
The Miracle is extending its
spiritual reach over all of
us. However, the movement is
not open to public membership.
It is an invitation-only faith
and service organization.
Well, not long after this show
got picked up by the CBC, and
I, your humble host, achieved
a modicum of respectabilty, my
invitation “to experience the
Miracle” arrived. Included
was a day-pass to
Economology’s annual
“shareholders’ retreat”,
Miracle `96, held this year at
the Hotel Palmer Hotel.
The story you are about to
hear -- a hard hitting, fact
based piece -- would not seem
to be within the purview of
this cultural magazine. More
the stuff of BCN’s
investigative program, Wearing
the Wire. Unfortunately, the
W the W piece became
compromised by the exposure of
its covert agent. This past
Tuesday, I was summoned to
fill the breach.
SFX: WEARING THE WIRE LABS.
PAUL: Jerome, look, don’t get me
wrong. It’s not that I don’t
want to work with you guys,
it’s just that, well,
journalism isn’t my thing.
JEROME: You’re telling me.
PAUL: I just feel uncomfortable.
JEROME: So do I, so it’s settled,
then.
PAUL: O.k. Good.
ISH: Paul, Jerome.
BOTH: Heh, Ish.
ISH: Now, you two wanted to see me
about something?
PAUL: Ish, look, I don’t have
anything against the team at
Wearing the Wire, but I feel
awkward doing investigative
work. I’m not a journalist,
I’m a writer.
ISH: I can’t believe you aren’t
capable of working together.
JEROME: Try.
ISH: You might as well get used to
it anyway, boys, because it’s
the wave of the future. Arts,
entertainment, news, it’s all
going to be the same big mumbo
jumbo soon. Integration,
multi-skilling ... and those
who show they have a spirit of
collaboration might keep their
jobs.
JEROME: Ish, permission to speak?
ISH: (sigh) Granted
JEROME: Paul’s a coward --no offense,
Paul.
PAUL: None taken.
JEROME: ... he talks to much.
PAUL: Yatta, yatta, yatta.
JEROME: And look at the size of him:
he can’t go undercover
effectively.
ISH: Jerome, you’re too close to
the story.
JEROME: That’s not true.
ISH: Anyway, your cover’s blown.
JEROME: Dammit, Ish. I want these
guys. You owe me this story.
ISH: You’ll get the story. But
Paul’s perfect. The
Economology people are trying
to recruit media celebrities
like Paul...
JEROME: Oh, gimme a break. He’s not a
celebrity.
ISH: They’ve officially invited him
to Miracle ‘96 -- special
guest. So he doesn’t have to
go undercover at all, he just
has to be himself.
JEROME: All right, but I’m not
responsible. I want that on
the record.
ISH: Paul, you look like you’re
going to be sick. Are you a
man or a--
PAUL: I don’t see why I have to put
my ass on the line here. I
mean, you don’t trifle with
the economologists. They’ve
got followers at the highest
levels of government, banking,
business, religion, the courts
-- you’ve heard the stories
about the restraint rituals,
the personal right-sizing. Do
I really have to put myself at
risk for the station twice
over? Come on! You get on
the CBC man, everyone wants a
piece of you.
ISH: You think the Moth Interviews
is an onerous burden ? How’d
you like the weekend
lifestyles show, too -- with
that wonderful new 3 hour
format -- “host boy ?” Now,
have we reached an
understanding?
PAUL AND JEROME: (GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE)
ISH: (leaving the room) Good luck.
PAUL: Let’s get on with it, then.
What do you have in the way of
concealed mics?
JEROME: Well, we’ve got this new
French mic.
PAUL: Put that away!!!
JEROME: What?
PAUL: Well, years ago, I was driving
on the prairies, and I, well,
I was abducted by aliens and
... probed.
JEROME: Really?
PAUL: Truly. They had two kinds of
probes.
JEROME: Ya?
PAUL: Yes, my friend, a wee little
one .... and a great huge one.
JEROME: There’s a new anatomical
model. I’m wearing it now.
PAUL: Where? Oh I see ...
JEROME: Argghhhh!.
PAUL: Sorry.
JEROME: It’s here, the tip of my nose,
it’s a very discreet
prosthetic.
SFX: MIC SOUNDS.
PAUL: That’s incredible.
JEROME: Almost invisible.
PAUL: Super thin.
JEROME: High sensitivity all the way.
It’s on now.
PAUL: Wait a minute-- all this has
been recorded?
JEROME: It should have been. Hey!
HEAVY SMACK AND MIC HANDLING
NOISE, FOLLOWED BY BRIEF
SILENCE
JEROME: Lighten up.
PAUL: I’m sure Ish will feel the
same way.
JEROME: You think he wasn’t recording
us? Don’t be so naive, Paul.
Now at the economology
seminar, you might have be
even more discreet
PAUL: What do you mean?
JEROME: You still don’t get it, do
you. These people have the
most alert security systems in
the world. They’re hard on
dissidents, and merciless on
spies. If they find a
microphone on you ...
PAUL: Well, where do you think is
the best place to hide it ?
JEROME: The safest place?
PAUL: (gulp)
SFX: TAPE ENDS ABRUPTLY.
SCENE 2
HOTEL PALMER HOTEL. BUSY
CONVENTION RECEPTION AREA, BUT
ALL RATHER HIGH-TONE.
PAUL: Yes, my name is Paul Moth.? I
believe I’m on the guest list.
It’s Moth, M-O-T-H.
MAN: Oh, yes, wonderful. (shouting
into room) Oh, Shelley, Paul
Moth is here.
SHELLEY: Paul. I’m Shelley Ricardo.
I’ll be your econo-medium for
today.
PAUL: You’re with public relations?
SHELLEY: Well, I mediate between the
Miracle of Economology and the
world in many ways.
PAUL: I’ll bet you do. This is
quite a swank event. I
haven’t seen so many limos
since Studio 54, (to himself)
I wonder how Paul Reubans is
making out..
SHELLEY: Well, we’re very glad you
could make it.
PAUL: Oh ya, right, little old me.
SHELLEY: We’ve identified you as a
media personality with a
rising profile.
PAUL: Tell it to my agent.
SHELLEY: But, you know, Paul, I sense
you’re a little unfulfilled,
spiritually and financially.
PAUL: For starters.
SHELLEY: That’s where we at the Miracle of
Economology can turn your life
around -- emotionally, fiscally,
kinetically.
PAUL: That certainly would be a
miracle. Heh -- it is, that’s
Mulroney rubbing elbows with
Paul Martin -- I always
suspected they were into that.
And ... ya, swingin’ Frank
Moores -- (catches his eye)
Hi, Frank! Ya, good to see
you, too. Keep the chins up,
buddy. Wait, I know the guy
Frank’s talking to -- that’s
Hardial Baines.
SHELLEY: You’re a little sceptical of
the Miracle of Economology,
aren’t you?
PAUL: I wouldn’t say that. I have
an open mind, if you know what
I mean?
SHELLEY: Great attitude.
PAUL: Heh, look, it’s the Iron Lady!
SHELLEY: Oh, Paul, someone was asking
after you especially -- I
promised I’d introduce you.
(calling) Carlos! Carlos,
this is Paul Moth. Paul,
Carlos Salinas de Gortari.
SALINAS: Paul Moth. At last, we meet.
PAUL: Carlos Salinas?! The singer?!
Wow!
SHELLEY: (half-whisper) No, Mr. Salinas
was the President of Mexico.
PAUL: Oh, I’m a little out of touch
with that scene.
CARLOS: Paul Moth!! The great
maestro! You see, Shelley,
this man is the greatest
living auteur of the Mexican
cinema!
SHELLEY: Really?! I didn’t know about
this.
PAUL: How embarassing. Ya, I
directed a few Mexican films
back in the ‘80’s. The Pepito
El Grande series -- sort of
the Hispanic world’s Lassie.
SHELLEY: A man of many talents.
PAUL: Oye, Carlitos, nadie aqui sabe
lo del cine mexicano...
SALINAS: Perro pequeno -- amor grande!
PAUL: Y tampoco sabe de eso!
SALINAS: Entiendo, compa.
PAUL: Anyway, nice meeting you.
Enjoy the seminar.
SHELLEY: Now, I won’t keep you-- you
should really catch as much of
R. Bennett’s “Economology is
Destiny” talk as you can. I
know you’ll find it
inspirational. Here’s a
programme - (getting very
warm) but I do have a special
invitation for you to attend
an intimate gathering with me
and a select group at 8:00.
Room 412. Here’s the key.
Please come. I think you’ll
find it most rewarding.
PAUL: I wouldn’t dream of missing
it.
SHELLEY: Until 8, then (throaty laugh
as she leaves).
PAUL: (throaty laugh, then to
himself) Incredible. (to
Jerome) Testing... testing...
Did you hear that, Jerome?
As soon as they think you work
in film, they’re all over you.
I should play that card more
often. Oh, here comes
Kathleen Hanrahan, got to go.
KATHLEEN: Paul! What a pleasant
surprise.
PAUL: Oh, hi, Kathleen. I thought I
might run into you here.
KATHLEEN: Are you kidding? R. Bennett
Manning in person: I wouldn’t
miss this for the world. You
won’t regret this, Paul.
Economology’s changed my life.
We’re late. Let’s get in
there -- I hope we can still
get a seat.
PAUL: Have you taken a look at this
programme?
KATHLEEN: I browsed through it.
PAUL: Some of these workshops ...
“Off-world opportunities”;
“Child Labour and Your
Portfolio”; “Africa
Incorporated”; “The Hidden
Finger and How to Give It to
the Workers” ... Bizarre...
KATHLEEN: There’s something for
everyone. Look it’s already
started! Come on!
CROSS FADE AMBIENCE TO INTERIOR (possible
break)
FIND R. BENNETT mid speech.
PAUL: Excuse me, excuse me ...
KATH: Look, here are some seats.
PAUL: Excuse me, oh god, sorry ...
MANNING: ... We are awakening the giant
within the economy, by just
following a few very easy,
basic steps. People are
always saying to me, RB, how
do we stimulate the economy.
To answer their desperate need
for an answer, twenty years
ago I developed my Miracle of
Economology “stimulator
simulator”, and I was able to
offer scientific proof to a
sceptical bunch of soft
liberals the truth of the
Economology.
Here it is -- just watch the
screen. Spending: that’s how
the economy is stimulated, and
when it is properly
stimulated, spending just
never stops. We often feel
guilty spending money we don’t
have. But what we are doing
is a public service, we are
all getting the economy going.
And spending is buying,
getting more stuff, that makes
you feel good. DON’T WE ALL
WANT MORE STUFF?
SFX: Crowd cheers.
RB: Ya, you feel good, you are
stimulating the economy, and the
economy stimulates you in return,
stimulates your nodal juices!
Now, let’s go back to the three
points on the economology
triangle. The Economy, The Nodal
Juices, The Mind/Spirit. Yes
friends. Liquality, Vitality,
Tranquility. Don’t be afraid to
spend, to stimulate the economy
and thus your nodal juices, DON’T
BE AFRAID OF THE TRANQUILITY THAT
RESULTS FROM HAVING MORE THINGS!
SFX: Cheers.
RB: You know, twenty years ago, we
here at the Miracle started asking
people to believe in our
treatments -- and there were a lot
of doubts -- that’s natural. We
said, tighten your belts to
discipline the lines leading from
the intestines to the money
supply. A lot of people said, RB,
I’m getting a trickle down effect
alright, but it’s awfully painful.
And it was, at first. But then it
started being fun, and that
trickle become a pleasurable flow.
Does that tight belt feel good
now?
CROWD: CHEERS.
RB: But there is a threat to your
tranquility and it is in the form
of the reductive pulse of
government spending. We’ll visit
the evil of taxation in our next
session. Now, enjoy phase one of
Miracle ‘96 -- indulge and
remember, you deserve it because
you are the beautiful people.
SFX: THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE AND CHEERS.
MC: R. Bennet Manning, ladies and
gentlemen. Now please join me in
welcoming ..
SFX: Band starts up underneath.
KATHLEEN: That man should be in charge
of my life.
PAUL: But, Kathleen, last week on
the show you were on about how
government cutbacks were
destroying the arts. Now
you’re a total believer in a
guy who’s demonizing public
spending as some sort of
reductive pulse, whatever the
hell that means.
KATH: Sorry, Paul, I just don’t see that
there’s any contradiction. You’ll
see after the next session.
PAUL: Ya sure, well if you’ll excuse me
Kathleen I’ve got a rare
opportunity for some casual sex
that I simply must pursue.
SFX: Band comes up into radio and
after 3:30 crosses to distant
ambieence as ...PAUL WALKING
DOWN CORRIDOR OUTSIDE HOTEL
ROOMS.
VOX; Ocupe, libre, ocupe, libre,
libre, libre, ocupe.....
PAUL: (exuding sexual tension and
excitement) Oooh, all right,
here we go. I probably should
have picked up a condom. I
haven’t done anything like
this since 1981. Sounds like
it’s going to be a group
thing... O.k., Rooooom f-f-
four-ttwelve...
SFX: KEY BEING JANGLED NERVOUSLY IN
LOCK. DOOR OPENS ON FIVE OR
SIX PEOPLE IN A ROOM.
SHELLEY: Right on time, Paul, we’re
just about to get started.
PAUL: Doesn’t look like it.
SHELLEY: Have you ever attended a
seance before?
PAUL: A seance? I thought ...
SHELLEY; Just have a seat at the table.
PAUL: All right. (to man beside
him) Hi, Paul Moth.
BOUDREAU: Hello, Ormand Boudreau. I’d
like to have a word with you,
perhaps later. You see, the
Dept. of Tourism is looking
for a spokesman for the Cabot
500 year, and seeing as you
have a national show now, we
thought you might be
interested in becoming Mr.
500.
SHELLEY: (begins talking in b.g., as
room gradually hushes) O.k.,
now I’ll need your
concentration. Everyone join
hands, and all at once, start
to ....etc...
PAUL: Well, I don’t know what to
say. Sounds great. I’ve been
a spokesman for the chemical
industry in the past, so I
know the ropes...
ORMAND: Great. We’ll talk.
SHELLEY: (all of the following can be
heard) Everyone must begin
investing their mentality in
the neuric fluids of the mind.
Decentralize your thoughts...
harmonize your kinetic pulses
.... think vitality,
liquality, tranquility ... the
hidden hand will take us...
the hidden hand behind the
wealth of all nations will
lead us to transcendence ...
MUSIC: A GLASS HARMONICA THINGY
STARTS TO SOUND.
SHELLEY: ...we seek a spontaneous
identity of interests ... Now,
reduce your thoughts ... re-
form them ... think fair work
fair work fair work fare
workfare workfare ...
PAUL: This is kind of fun... I feel
so ... malleable ...
SHELLEY: Hidden hand, guide us to the
realm of higher truth and
life... (trance voice
modulating towards speaking in
tongues) G-A-T-T / E-E-C/ I-
M-F/ N-A-F-T-A/ I-T-T...
WOMAN: (screams, then) The hidden
hand just grabbed my leg!
PAUL: Oh, sorry, that was me...
BOUDREAU: Ssshhh!
SFX: SPIRIT RAPPING ON TABLE.
PAUL: I’ll get it.
BOUDREAU: No, sshh, it’s the door to
another world. Who is it?
KARL MARX: (channelled through Shelley)
Karl Marx.
COLLECTIVE GASP.
BOUDREAU: Well, you have some explaining
to do.
MARX: I was wrong about the labour
theory of value. I failed to
incorporate the miraculous
tripartite equation of
vitality-tranquility-liquality
into the dialectical model.
PAUL: Oh boy, this is great....
Now, K-karl, while you’re on
the line here, was Lukacs
right in reading Hegelian
categories into your mature
work, or did you really scrap
those once and for all before
you wrote Capital?
MARX: I can’t remember. Ask Engels
-- he kept the books.
PAUL: O.k., forget it. Now, I need
some advice. You’re like the
foremost expert on commodity
fetishism, which, you know,
you said was bad, right, and I
agree, except that I have this
fetish, but it’s just for one
commodity in particular, and I
w--....
SHELLEY: (putting on an exhausted act)
No, that’s it, I’ve lost him,
I’m afraid.
PAUL: Damn.
BOUDREAU: Why’d you have to hound him
with your stupid questions?
SHELLEY: The point is, I think, that
even Karl Marx has seen the
error of his ways and endorsed
the truth of Economology.
Hidden hand, guide us through
the realm of transcendent ...
unh ...
PAUL: Is she alright ?
PEPITO: Woof woof ...
PAUL: My god, I recognize that voice
!
BOUDREAU: Oh come on.
PEPITO: Woof woof, paulito.
PAUL: It’s Pepito ! Ah, mi querido
perrito. Como estas? Hay
huesos en el cielo?
PEPITO: (VOICE CHANGES TO DAD) Woof,
woof ... Pauly ... Paul ...
PAUL: Dad ? Dad, is that you ?
DAD: Paul, for God’s sake, don’t
ever sell the house.
PAUL: Dad ? Listen, the old Hillman
in the garage ? Where did you
leave the keys ?
MANNING: Mr. Moth ?
PAUL: Who’s this ?
MANNING: R. Bennett Manning.
PAUL: In the spirit world ?
MANNING: No, I’m right here.
PAUL & ALL: Whoa !
MANNING: Sorry about that. Paul, could
I speak to you in private.
PAUL: Sure ...
AMBIENCE CROSS TO PLUSH QUIET HOTEL ROOM>
RB: Can I offer you a drink?
PAUL: I don’t drink.
RB: Herbal tea?
PAUL: Should have figured, sure.
MANNING: I’m surprized you accepted our
invitation and embrace the
Miracle.
PAUL: Really ?
MANNING: Public broadcasting is full of
skeptic and nay-sayers.
PAUL: Hey, that’s news. I’m in arts and
entertainment. We take it
everything at face value.
MANNING: Your tea’s getting cold. You gave
Kathleen Hanrahan the third degree
on your show a couple of weeks
ago.
PAUL: Look, I was just playing
devil’s advocate. Dynamics of
the interview: Kathleen does
the book beat and hey with the
novel dead I had to something.
I have the highest respect for
all of you here at Miracle
‘96.
RB: I’m not so sure. We have
enemies at the BCN.
PAUL: Nah, get out.
RB: Two weeks ago, we found
evidence that Jerome Granger
was here, disguised and with a
hidden microphone.
PAUL: Jerome? Jerome Granger? Not
ringing any bells.
RB: He works with you. Don’t be
absurd.
PAUL: Oh, that Jerome Granger,
right! Ya, I’ve met him.
RB: And that woman, Ariel Flint,
she’s got a personal vendetta
against our movement, and
she’s given a regular forum on
your show.
PAUL: Heh, look, I’m a professional
host. I have to deal with all
kinds of people. This Flint
woman? Personally? Can’t
bare her. Despicable woman.
PAUL STARTS GETTING GROGGY AND
STONED; THEY HAVE SPIKED THE
TEA.
PAUL: Heh, this is good herb.
(mimicking Oliver Twist)
Please sir, can I have some
more? If I didn’t know better
I’d swear this was
barbitollllbuzz, (sniff)
qualude, hint of dilaudid,
violets, you’ve slipped a
mickey, you BASSSSTAAAARD.
SFX: PAUL HITS THE FLOOR - HEAVILY.
PAUL: (on the long way down)
UNNNNNTTTTING UUUUUUUCK!
SHELLEY ENTERS.
SHELLEY: Is he out?
RB: Just. Christ there was enough
narcotic in that tea to take
out a bull moose.
SHELLEY: He must have some kind of
tolerance. Flip him over.
Get his wallet.
RB: Oh, look at this ... a picture
of Barbara Amiel.
SHELLEY: That’s promising. What
plastic is he carrying ?
RB: Ah ... ah ... jeez, all he’s
got is a Canadian Tire card.
SHELLEY: Here, I’ll do a quick Datamine
on it.
RB: That can’t be true. No other
accounts?
SHELLEY: He does work in public
broadcasting.
RB: I’m not convinced he’ll be of any
use as a spokesperson.
SHELLEY: That’s another thing, Ormand
Boudreau floated the idea of him
being Mr. Cabot 500.
RB: Boudreau! That idiot! You notice
that they always give the Tourism
portfolio to a boob.
SHELLEY: Speaking of which, Moth made a
pass at a woman during the
seance.
RB: No restraint. I wonder -- do you
think he might ? ...
SHELLEY: A hidden mic?
RB: You want to look or should I?
SFX: Paul starts fishing.
SHELLEY: My god!
RB: It’s too horrible!
SFX: Shelley picks up phone.
SHELLEY: Can we have a medic to R.
Bennett’s suite. What! Interpol
are downstairs!
RB: Salinas!
SHELLEY: Moores.
RB: Call the roof, I’m out of here.
JEROME ENTERS DRESSED AS THE
MIRACLE ‘96 PHYSICIAN.
PAUL: (muttering) No, please, don’t
probe me, don’t probe me!
JEROME: Paul it’s me, Jerome Granger,
Wearing the Wire.
PAUL: Jerome, I need a lift.
(sings) Falling in love again,
never wanted to ...”
JEROME: This man is in cardiac arrest.
SHELLEY: Dispense with the body. .....
SFX: Banging on door.
VOICE: Open the door, we have a
warrant!
JEROME: Coooome Ooooon!
Page 35 of 35 INSIDE ECONOMOLOGY