Paul:	The Xmas consumer frenzy is 
	upon us, and that means the 
	last hope for many book 
	stores.  Here to discuss the 
	Yule tide crop of bound 
	scribbles, doodles and snaps 
	is Ms. Wordworks herself, 
	Kathleen Hanrahan.

Kath:	Hello, Paul. 

PAUL:	Now, the gift book is truly 
	the life blood of retailers 
	isn’t it?

Kath:	Yes it is. People don’t read 
	so much anymore, but a book is 
	...well it’s readily 
	available, usually in the 
	price range for a Christmas 
	book and hey, it’s easy to 
	wrap.

Paul:	Backing up a bit, why aren’t 
	people reading ?

Kath:	First I think there’s a 
	lifestyle question -- more 
	onerous work, greater demands 
	at home -- people can’t find 
	the time or are  simply too 
	tired to read.  And secondly 
	they’ve grown stupid.

Paul:	You know I’d thought that but 
	I’m glad you said it.  On to 
	the Christmas goodies.  You 
	promised us only books 100% 
	guaranteed to satisfy.  
	Whaddaya got, whaddaya got ?
	
Kath:	First, “Places You Will Never 
	Go”, a sumptuous marriage of 
	glossy photographs and fluffy 
	text, by Harriet Burton.

Paul:	Owww very sumptuous.  The 
	paper is ... I don’t know how 
	to put in ... so soft.
	
Kath:	It’s infused with hand lotion.

Paul:	Nice.  This book is about?

Kath:	The homes and extravagant 
	lifestyles of our filthy rich.

Paul:	Ouch!  Look at this bathroom!  
	I’d dine there any day.

Kath:	If you were ever invited.

Paul:	I don’t have a hope, do I?

Kath:	No.

Paul:	Not all fluff, Kathleen.  The 
	photographs are accompanied by 
	handy and informative 
	discussions about the 
	architectural and design 
	principles of the grand 
	estates?

Kath:	And some of the history of 
	these great old families.

Paul:	I see the Woolrights made 
	their money through child 
	labour.

Kath:	Several generations ago.  They 
	now keep the industrial engine 
	running with a canny mix of 
	banking and offshore athletic 
	footwear manufacturing.

Paul:	Maintaining that tradition of 
	child labour through the ages, 
	that’s great.  Oh, and here a 
	photo essay about the local 
	debutante ball.

Kath:	Young, beautiful and so 
	incredibly wealthy.

Paul:	A winning combination.

Kath:	Still this photographic essay 
	shows the well-heeled 
	lifestyle, warts and all.
	
Paul:	Ah yes  ... here’s a debutante 
	being sick ... all that Veuve 
	Cliquot.

Kath:	There’s one humiliating a bus 
	boy.

Paul:	And well, well, well here a 
	debutante having a sexual 
	encounter up against a 
	dumpster out back of the 
	hotel!

Kath:	If you read the caption you’ll 
	see that the handsome young 
	suitor is her own cousin.

Paul:	Those wacky super rich.  We 
	just can’t get enough of them, 
	can we. 

Kath:	Prestige Press, and just about 
	affordable at 47.50.

Paul:	Next?

Kath:	The Absolution Vodka Book.

Paul:	The booze people who do those 
	fabulous ads?

Kath:	The same.  This is a book of 
	those advertisements.

Paul:	What?  I pay to look at their 
	ads!

Kath:	They’re quite exceptional and 
	creative.

Paul:	Where is this going to end, 
	you can’t buy clothes that 
	don't have company logos 
	plastered all over them, you 
	try to phase out in front of 
	the tube and you’re subjected 
	to infomercials, you ... 
	ahhhhh look at this one, the 
	little mouse, he’s trapped in 
	the vodka bottle, I think he’s 
	drunk.  That’s adorable.  My 
	Mom might like this, what’s 
	the asking price?

Kath:	Thirty-two dollars.

Paul:	Oh no, that’s too much.  Next.

Kath:	For the kids there is yet 
	another Goofoids book.

Paul:	I hate those cartoons, the 
	noise, the graphic violence, 
	the supply side economics - 
	but you know my brother’s kids 
	can’t get enough of them.
	
Kath:	And I’ll bet they love the 
	Goofoids breakfast cereal.  

Paul:	My brother is afraid not to 
	give it to them, claims they 
	get ill without it, nauseous, 
	sweaty, irritable

Kath:	That’s because it’s addictive.

Paul:	Wow.  

Kath:	Still it’s a complete 
	breakfast.

Paul:	I have a bad feeling about 
	this stuff, again I can’t see 
	the line between entertainment 
	and the advertising.  
	
Kath:	That’s standard fare though 
	these days isn’t it, and look 
	the RCMP have a contract with 
	Disney so I mean ... in a way, 
	this kind predatory children’s 
	entertainment has the state’s 
	sanction.

Paul:	The character’s smoke!

Kath:	Cigars though Paul, they’re 
	just hip to the scene.  

Paul:	Next?

Kath:	Edna Greeley’s Christmas 
	Homemakers Extravaganza.

Paul:	Get-a-load of the center 
	piece.  So woodsy, it’s a 
	virtual pine forest for 
	Christ’s sake.

Kath:	It’s all carved from cheese.  
	There ... pretzel skiers, 
	little caper toques.

Paul:	The skis are anchovy I’d 
	guess.

Kath:	It’s so pretty I don’t think I 
	could eat it.

Paul:	With the anchovies I’d attempt 
	it, what kind of cheese is it?

Kath:	That’s a dip pond by the 
	walnut grove.  The ducks are 
	...

Paul:	I love a good Muenster, a ripe 
	non-pasteurized Muenster.  
	Sorry Kathleen, this looks 
	like a lot of work.

Kath:	Today’s homemaker has to 
	really put out lest they be 
	accused of being a bad parent 
	or spouse.

Paul:	Things are so different for 
	kids these days hey?  When I 
	was growing up Catholics 
	fasted through Advent so they 
	would really appreciate their 
	Christmas porridge.

Kath:	Paul!

Paul:	Just kidding Kathleen.  We 
	always got a big feed of 
	utility road-kill every 
	Christmas.

Kath:	That’s comforting.

Paul:	At least you knew they weren’t 
	fed steroids.  Thanks Kathleen 
	and buy, buy, buy!

Kath:	You too.

Paul:	God Bless.

Kath:	Let’s keep God out of it!

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