THE GREAT EASTERN
“THE 1996 NEWFOUNDLAND RADIO AWARDS SHOW”
WRITTEN BY STEVEN PALMER, EDWARD RICHE AND MACK 
FURLONG

PRODUCED BY GLEN TILLEY FOR THE CANADIAN BROADCASTING 
CORPORATION

AIRDATE:  JANUARY 4, 1997

DRUCY:	A big hello, Canada!  My name 
	is Drucy Maher.  I’m the 
	Doyenne of the Entertainment 
	Beat here at the Broadcasting 
	Corporation of Newfoundland.
	
	Today, we pre-empt The Great 
	Eastern to bring you a special 
	programme.
	
	I’m sitting in for Paul Moth 
	because this morning our Paul 
	is one tired puppy.  Last 
	evening he hosted what is 
	perhaps the premiere event on 
	the Happy Province’s busy 
	show-biz calendar.  Paul was 
	master of ceremonies for the 
	Newfoundland Radio Awards 
	show.  There, the Radio 
	Academy hands out to worthy 
	recipients, the Marconis, 
	symbolic of radio excellence.
	
	The ceremony was broadcast 
	live throughout the island.  
	It was a long, glamorous 
	evening mixed with doses of 
	sweet triumph and bitter 
	disappointment.
	
	We’ve put together a package 
	of show highlights for you.  
	And as a bonus, a behind the 
	scenes look at the whole 
	event.
	
	We take you now to the Hotel 
	Palmer Hotel for the sixtieth 
	annual 1996 Marconis.
	
MUSIC:	BIG BAND INTRO

ANNOUNCER:	Live, from the Titanic Room of 
	the glamorous Hotel Palmer 
	Hotel in downtown St. John’s, 
	it’sssss ... The 1996 
	Newfoundland Radio Awards ...
	
SFX:	HUGE APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:	... with your host ... Paul 
	Moth!

SFX:	A LITTLE LESS APPLAUSE.  
(PULSES OF APPLAUSE TO FOLLOW)

ANNOUNCER:	Brought to you by Drodge 
	Family Motors, Newfoundland’s 
	Automobile Maker.  Appearing 
	tonight: neo-punk sensations 
	“Slain Teen’s Parents”!;  
	“Scrobby Lambert and the 
	Knobs”!;  Shock Comic “Pusy”!;  
	and the lewd gyrations of “The 
	Carol Player Dancers” !  Our 
	house band for tonight is 
	Cluney’s Beaver !  Now, here’s 
	your host, PAUL MOOOOTH.

SFX:	APPLAUSE

PAUL:	Whew and Wow!

SFX:	APPLAUSE

PAUL:	Good evening and welcome to 
	the Marconis, our Radio 
	Awards.  And what a pleasure 
	it is for me, your humble 
	servant, to be here in the 
	swank, deluxe, recently 
	renovated Titanic Room of the 
	Hotel Palmer Hotel.

	If you’ve never seen this 
	marvelous chamber, let me 
	describe it for you.
	
	It’s a neo-gothic 
	hallucination on a maritime 
	theme.  It has all the 
	trappings of a luxury liner, 
	only more so.  Covered in 
	gilt, crowned with three 
	enormous chandeliers, and 
	surrounded on all sides with 
	trompe l’oeil of monstrous 
	icebergs at night, the whole 
	is backlit by a muted halogen 
	halo.  Isn’t it fabulous?
	
SFX:	APPLAUSE

PAUL:	And aren’t we happy to be 
	here?

SFX:	APPLAUSE

PAUL:	Don’t we just feel so good 
	about ourselves that we could 
	scream ?

SFX:	WILD APPLAUSE.  SCATTERED 
ORGASMIC SCREAMS

PAUL:	Lots of awards to be given out 
	tonight.  Lots of these 
	Guglielmo’s ... beautiful 
	Marconi’s.  Named of course in 
	honour of the father of radio.
	
	Just handling this statuette 
	gives me goose bumps. 
	Everybody in our industry 
	covets one.  I’m confident 
	that tonight I’ll finally be 
	getting mine.  I mean, they’ve 
	asked me to host the show. Why 
	else would they do that ?

SFX:	LAUGHTER

	No, really.

	But 60 years ... that’s got to 
	be some kind of record, 
	doesn’t it ?  There can’t be 
	anybody left alive who can 
	remember the first awards show 
	...

VOICE OFF:	I can ...

PAUL:	... so long ago.  From small 
	beginnings such mighty acorns 
	grow.

	And it’s such a significant 
	signal of the maturity of our  
	industry that on this one 
	night of the year, we put 
	aside all our differences ...
	
VOICE OFF:	Go fuck yourself !

PAUL:	and celebrate the invisible 
	force ... Radio !
	
SFX:	APPLAUSE

PAUL:	It’s going to be a great show 
	tonight folks so what say we 
	let the games begin ...
	
SFX:	APPLAUSE

PAUL:	Presenting our first Marconi 
	are literary critic and BCN  
	columnist, Kathleen Hanrahan, 
	and VOZG, All Zagner Radio’s 
	Midday Man, Bobby Barron.
	
SFX:	APPLAUSE

KATHLEEN:	Looking spiff, Bobby.

BOBBY:	I had my stomach stapled.

KATHLEEN:	Great!  The nominees in the 
	category Best Children’s 
	Program are ...

SILENCE

KATHLEEN:	You read the stuff after it 
	says “Bobby” ...

BOBBY:	Oh right!

KATHLEEN:	The nominees in the category 
	Best Children’s Program are 
	...

BOBBY:	“Wishy Land”, CBC Radio, Tom 
	Jokinen, Interim Producer, 
	“Constitutional History” 
	episode.

SFX:	PIANO THEME TO “WISHY LAND”

(FOLLOWING VOICES ARE 
CHILDREN’S’)

ROY:	And when Rene goes out for a 
	slurpy we can change the deal!

PIERRE:	Good idea Roy, uh-oh, quiet 
	here comes Rene now.

RENE:	Bonjour, Roy.  Bonjour. 
	Pierre.

ROY & PETER:	Bonjour, Rene.

KATHLEEN:	“Uncle Jack’s Shack”, BCN, 
	Wilma Stoyles, producer, 
	“Poaching a Moose” episode.
	
SFX:	THEME TO UNCLE JACK’S SHACK - 
FOLLOWED BY FOREST AMBIANCE 
AND THEN A RIFLE REPORT.

JACK:	Oh Billy, you got ‘e!

WARDEN:	Hold it right there, Jack!

SFX:	MUFFLED SQUEALS OF PANIC FROM 
BILLY, RIFLE COCKED

JACK:	Take ‘er easy there, Warden, I 
	got the boy.

BOBBY:	“Thorpex - Lord Master of the 
	Underworld”, VOZG, All Zagner 
	Radio, Troy Petrie, Dick 
	Pittman, Kyle Pope producers.

SFX:	EXPLOSIONS, RAY GUN BEAMS A LA 
22 CENTURY APOCALYPSE

THORPEX:	With your parents hypnotized 
	by my exercise videos, you 
	children will be my slaves !

KATHLEEN:	And the winner is .... 
	THORPEX!  Lord Master of the 
	Underworld.

SFX:	DISSOLVE BACK TO BCN STUDIO

DRUCY:	Those guys went on to sweep 
	the children’s categories and 
	thank everyone but their 
	dealers.

	During the awards ceremony, 
	our own Geraldine Cumby was 
	backstage, giving us a behind 
	the scenes peek at this super 
	glamorous shindig.

SFX:	BACKSTAGE NOISE

ANNOUNCER #2:	(off)  Brought to you by 
	Drodge Family Motors, makers 
	of the new Drodge Phallus, the 
	car that’s a cock !

GERALDINE:	(up over last words)  Behind 
	the lights, music and glitter 
	of this super glamorous 
	shindig, over fifty worker 
	bees service the demands of 
	this bustling hive of 
	entertainment.  Celebrities, 
	whether presenters or 
	recipients, are all around me.
	
	There’s super-agent Ewan 
	Quinlan talking with Paul 
	Moth.  Let’s see if we can 
	hear what they are saying.
	
PAUL:	I don’t understand why my 
	blowing the television gig 
	precludes doing a movie.
	
EWAN:	Paul, why don’t you relax.  
	Hosting an awards show 
	represents a career plateau.  
	Enjoy it while it lasts.

PAUL:	What do you mean, “plateau”?

P.A.:	Mr. Moth!  You’re on in ten 
	seconds.

SFX:	RETURN TO THE STAGE.  APPLAUSE

PAUL:	Have we got a surprise for 
	you!

	The runaway East End success 
	story this townie theatrical 
	season is “Death - On Ice!” 
	Everybody wants tickets !  But 
	not everybody is getting them.

	Here’s the star of the show, 
	Roger Greely, accompanied by 
	the BCN Coal Stokers Chorus, 
	with a medley of tunes from 
	the smash hit musical, “Death 
	- On Ice!”

SFX:	APPLAUSE, FOLLOWED BY PIANO 
INTRO, GREELY SINGS

THE SWELL FLORIZEL

	You can tell by the smell 
	she’s the Florizel,
	the rankest ship on the sea.
	With the flippers ripe and the 
	blubber, cripes,
	the hum comin’ off of me.
	
	You can tell by the swells
	she’s the Florizel,
	the roughest ship on the sea.
	With the pitch and the yaw,
	the roll, by gaw,
	the soup’s comin’ up on me.
	

O’ER THE SIDES

	Seals!
	
	It’s o’er the sides!
	O’er the sides,
	O’er the sides, lads
	O’er the sides.
	
	It’s o’er the sides,
	O’er the sides,
	On to the ice,
	And o’er the sides.
	
	It’s o’er the sides,
	O’er the sides,
	O’er the sides, lads,
	O’er the sides.
	
	It’s o’er the sides,
	O’er the sides,
	On to the ice, up with your 
	gaff, smack on the head,
	And o’er the sides.
	

STIFF AS A BOARD

ROGER:	Stiff as a board
	Froze stiff as a board
	Standing here lifeless,
	I’m stiff as a board.
	
CHORUS:	Stiff as a board,
	Froze stiff as a board,
	Breathless, lifeless,
	He’s stiff as a board.
	
SFX:	SONG CONTINUES OFF

GERALDINE:	With so many show-biz types 
	working this event, you know 
	there are going to be calls 
	for all measure of back stage 
	indulgence.  Providing the 
	grub this year is The Hotel 
	Palmer Hotel’s own Chef Paul 
	Benoit, who is also, we are 
	proud to say host of BCN’s 
	Paul’s Pot.

BENOIT:	Bon soir, Geraldine.

GERALDINE:	I can’t begin to describe the 
	delightful hors d’oeovres that 
	you’ve put out this year.  
	What a spread ...

BENOIT:	This is Petite Cuisine, a 
	selection of very, very tiny 
	foodstuffs.  Here you see we 
	have taken the first 
	appearance of growth of 
	arugula, topped it with a sun 
	dried baby cherry berry 
	tomato, one ten of a gram of 
	roasted goat cheese and a 
	single pine nut, applied by 
	pipette a balsamic dressing 
	and you have ...
	
GERALDINE:	A bite size salad!  (she eats)  
	Divine!  And who could resist 
	these little quails, one to a 
	cracker.

BENOIT:	Quail?  No that is petite 
	souri, how do you say, a baby 
	mouse...

GERALDINE:	You must have some very 
	idiosyncratic requests, what 
	with so many spoiled celebs 
	around ?

BENOIT:	Oh, mais oui.  So many will 
	purge that the food must be as 
	delightful coming up as going 
	down, this is tres important 
	... and of course there are 
	special orders.  Monsieur Moth 
	will have only sauce.  Madame 
	Hanrahan - vodka and diet 
	pills, and so on.

GERALDINE:	So wonderful talking to you.  
	That French accent.  What can 
	I say, Chef Benoit, I’m damp.

BENOIT:	À table.

SFX:	RETURN TO THE STAGE, APPLAUSE

PAUL:	Just tremendous.

	Here to present the Marconi 
	for excellence in weather and 
	traffic update is CBC Radio’s 
	eminence grise, Lister 
	Sinclair.

LISTER:	“Poor naked wretches,
	whereso’er you are,
	That bide the pelting of this
	pitiless storm,
	How shall your houseless head
	and unfed sides,
	Your looped and window’d 
	raggedness, defend you
	From seasons such as these?”
	
	Lear, three, four.

	While we all appreciate the 
	intellectual stimulation 
	offered by a fine documentary, 
	take pleasure in sweet music 
	as we lave the dishes, or 
	enjoy dozing during an 
	interview segment, we truly 
	need the weather and traffic 
	update.

	We must know to set the alarm 
	to shovel snow.
	
	We must know if Witless Bay 
	Line is passable.

	We must know if the boiler at 
	Holy Heart of Mary High has 
	burst.

	The nominees in the category 
	Excellence in Weather and 
	Traffic Update are Junior 
	Puddester, VOZG ...

JUNIOR:	(blizzard rages) I feel 
	strangely warm, I’ve stripped 
	off most of my clothes, Phil, 
	and I’m lying down in the snow 
	for a nap.  Thanks Mummy 
	mummkins, good night, I love 
	you.

LISTER:	Vince Tremblett, VRTX.

VINCE:	(chopper sounds a la 
	Apocalypse Now)  Traffic on 
	the arterial is sluggish, but 
	we can see ... what’s that ...
	
SFX:	SMALL EXPLOSION

	Oh Christ in heaven, we’re 
	going down !  Mayday, mayday, 
	mayday ...

LISTER:	Erling Biggs, the Broadcasting 
	Corporation of Newfoundland.
	
ERLING:	Experimental traffic in the 
	west end today.  City 
	engineers are investigating 
	flow patterns by restricting 
	traffic to one-way on various 
	streets and avenues.  Look for 
	the Experimental Traffic 
	Caution Signal, that’s the 
	test-tube symbol on the red 
	diamond, and please heed the 
	instructions provided.  City 
	Works, stopping at nothing to 
	keep you moving.

LISTER:	And the winner of the Marconi 
	for Excellence in Weather and 
	Traffic Update is ... Weather 
	Watchdog, Erling Biggs, for 
	Traffic Alert, BCN.

SFX:	APPLAUSE

PAUL:	Erling couldn’t be here this 
	evening, so I will gratefully 
	accept this beautiful award in 
	his place.  I’m sure he would 
	want to thank everyone at the 
	BCN.  And I want to add we’re 
	extremely proud that Erling 
	has averted what is shaping up 
	to be a shut-out for the grand 
	old broadcaster.

SFX:	FADE ON APPLAUSE

DRUCY:	As in years previous, Marconi-
	winner Erling Biggs spent 
	awards night at the Duke and 
	Duck.  There he takes part in 
	an open reading sponsored by 
	the Newfoundland League of 
	Concrete Poets.  Geraldine 
	dropped by to speak with him 
	earlier.

SFX:	BAR MURMUR

GERALDINE:	So you’re boycotting the 
	Marconis again this year 
	Erling.

ERLING:	I’m just not attending. 
	There’s no more to it than 
	that.  I’ve got better things 
	to do with my time than hang 
	around with a bunch of ...

GERALDINE:	You don’t think you’ll win ?

ERLING:	Geraldine, I’m up against a 
	robot and a trained chimp, I 
	haven’t got a chance.

GERALDINE:	Is your decision not to attend 
	a political statement?

ERLING:	Please stop talking to me.

DRUCY:	Whether he cares or not, 
	Erling Biggs’ award was all 
	that stood between VOZG All 
	Zagner Radio and a sweep of 
	the News/Weather/Current 
	Affairs Categories.  Here are 
	some highlights.

THESE WILL BE SEGUED

VOX1:	And the winner in the category 
	“Fluke News” is Kirk Wiseman 
	VOZG for Kirk’s diagnosis.

KIRK:	This has got to be the easiest 
	report I’ve ever filed.  So 
	doc, what’s the verdict ? 
	Still vital, I hope?

DOCTOR:	Kirk, I’m afraid these sperm 
	are dead.

VOX2:	And the winner in the category 
	“Morning Team” are Phil and 
	Phil, VOZG Morning Attack, for 
	“Jumper”.

PHIL #1:	Is he still up there, Phil ?

PHIL #2:	Ya, but he’s got a real crazy 
	look.  I think he means 
	business.

PHIL #1:	I’ve got a note here says the 
	guy is ... jeez this is pretty 
	sordid family stuff.

PHIL #2:	Wait a second, Phil, he’s 
	jumping  ... no, he looks like 
	he may be chickening out ... 
	JUMP!  JUMP!

PHIL #1:	Think we got time for some 
	music, Phil?

PHIL #22:	Yeah, sure, some Peter Frampt 
	... Oh ... HERE HE GOES!

VOX3:	The winner in the category 
	“Best Of” program is “Best of 
	the Best, A Special 1995 
	Newfoundland Radio Awards 
	Special,” VOZG, all-Zagner 
	radio.

DRUCY:	Like in any awards ceremony, 
	there are always the ‘biggies’ 
	that everyone waits for.  Once 
	we get through the citations 
	for technical achievements 
	that nobody understands 
	anyway,  the people that win 
	their category year after year 
	because nobody else produces 
	that type of program and the 
	special Marconi for some 
	terminal oldster who looks to 
	be going to his final reward 
	without a cherished statuette, 
	once all that is behind us ...
	
VOX4:	The nominees in the category 
	“Top Forty Countdown” are ..
	
V0X5:	Tiger Myrick, VOZG, all Zagner 
	radio ...

TIGER:	This week, number one with a 
	bullet, it’s “Drive”, with 
	“.....”

VOX4:	Helmut Ekert, VOLK, Deutsche 
	Uber Alles Radiofunken ...

HELMUT:	Diesen Woche, nummer eins mit 
	ein Geschoss, hier liegt 
	“Drive”, mit “.....”
	
VOX5:	Zero Earles, the Broadcasting 
	Corporation of Newfoundland.

ZERO:	This week, number one with a 
	bullet, it’s “Drive”, with 
	“.....”

VOX4:	And the winner is  .... we 
	have a tie.  Tiger Myrick, 
	VOZG and Helmut Ekert, VOLK.

VOX6:	And the nominees in the 
	category “Best Foreign 
	Broadcast” are ...

VOX7:	Radio Finland, “Hello Out 
	There”, produced by Hannu 
	Rakistu ...

SFX:	STRANGE ELECTRONIC SOUNDS

VOX6:	The Australian Broadcasting 
	Corporation, “Get a Plate For 
	the Barbie”, produced by Seth 
	Dongreavy.

SFX:	BOING BOING BOING  

VOX7:	The Canadian Broadcasting 
	Corporation, “Encore”, 
	produced by Pamela Bryan.
	
CBCVOX:	It’s .... 11:05 ....11:35 in 
	Newfoundland and time now for 
	... some ... music ... here 
	they are again, The Elmer 
	Isler Singers.

VOX6:	And the winner is ... the 
	Australian Broadcasting 
	Corporation !

SFX:	BOING BOING BOING

PAUL:	Here to present the award for 
	Best Host are CBC TV’s “This 
	Hour Has Twenty Minutes”, Rick 
	Mercer and CBC Radio’s Shelagh 
	Rogers.

SFX:	APPLAUSE.  DISTANT SHOUT OF “I 
	love you, Shelagh”

SHELAGH:	Happy to be back on “The 
	Rock”, Rick?

RICK:	What?

SHELAGH:	Back home in Newfoundland?

RICK:	Ya, sure.

	The Host is a vital element in 
	any radio program.
	
SHELAGH:	Without hosts, guests would 
	have nobody to talk with.

RICK:	And much of radio would be 
	meaningless noise.

SHELAGH:	The nominees in the category 
	“Best Host” are ...

RICK:	Harvey McCarthy, Harvey 
	McCarthy’s Saturdays, VOZG, 
	All Zagner Radio.
	
HARVEY:	I loved the film, Veronica, I 
	mean really loved it, and your 
	English is really coming 
	along.

VERONICA:	Ja, danke, I am being coached 
	personally now on the day 
	every one.

HARVEY:	And you really looked 
	fabulous.

VERONICA:	I was wearing non-stick 
	cooking spray, ja, and I am at 
	the gym doing much toning.  
	See!

HARVEY:	Do I ever!  I think everyone 
	wants to know this Veronica, 
	since your break with Scrobby 
	Lambert, is there a new man in 
	your life ?

VERONICA:	No, but I think, are you 
	asking this, that we could do 
	sex later, ja.

HARVEY:	Ja!  I think so!  You are so 
	wonderful!

SHELAGH:	Paul Moth, The Great Eastern, 
	BCN.

PAUL:	(beautiful music of civics)  
	Here they come now.  The 
	Department of Public Works, in 
	their great dawn procession, 
	with their brooms and their 
	hoses, and their green garbage 
	bags.
	
	And the leader, their 
	Caplinmaizer, beneath his 
	enormous swaying conical hat, 
	leading them on !
	
	And now, the plaintive moan of 
	the conkerbell, and waving in 
	the breeze is the huge 
	portrait of the deity they 
	worship, Dorothy Wyatt !
	
	Oh, the beautiful music of 
	civics !  They play on their 
	Exboozers and their 
	Barcruisers, their 
	Crampwoozers and their 
	Poorlosers !

	Oh my god, I ... I’m so ... 
	I’m so tired.

RICK:	Jim Brown, The Morning Show, 
	CBC.

JIM:	Seventeen minutes after seven 
	o’clock.

	Now, we understand that a 
	boiler has burst up at John C. 
	Doyle High School.  Peter 
	Gullage is there and ... oh, 
	it seems that report is 
	unavailable ... let’s go to 
	some music.  Here’s Stan 
	Rogers ...

SHELAGH:	And the winner is ...

RICK:	Harvey McCarthy, VOZG.

SFX:	BAND STRIKES UP WINNERS THEME.

HARVEY:	Gee ... this is ... (chokes 
	up) I want to thank Aaron 
	Zagner, who took me back on 
	after ... but mostly I want to 
	thank R. Bennett Manning and 
	the supreme wisdom behind The 
	Miracle of Economology,  the 
	true path of enlightenment and 
	fiscal policy that saved my 
	life.

DRUCY:	Harvey McCarthy wasn’t the 
	only celebrity to thank R. 
	Bennett Manning and The 
	Miracle of Economology.  Are 
	we imagining things or does it 
	seem that most of the 
	glitterati of St. John’s have 
	been swept up by this self 
	proclaimed spiritualist and 
	monetary movement.
	
	The official ceremony might 
	have been coming to a close 
	but the festivities would go 
	on all night.
	
	Geraldine Cumby did an 
	entirely unscientific survey 
	to see where the hottest, 
	happeningest fetes were going 
	down.
	
SFX:	BACKSTAGE NOISE

GERALDINE:	Harvey!  Harvey!

HARVEY:	Hey Gerry ...

SFX:	SMOOCHING

GERALDINE:	Congratulations on your 
	Marconi.

HARVEY:	Thanks so much.

GERALDINE:	Where’s the party tonight?

HARVEY:	Myself and Jennifer are going 
	for a bite at Chez Ed and then 
	off to VOZG, Mr. Zagner is 
	hosting a party for the 
	winners - it’s been a great 
	night for unapologetically 
	commercial radio so that 
	should be a good room.  We’ll 
	probably see in the new day at 
	Ewan Quinlan’s little pied a 
	terre on Javelin Crescent.
	
GERALDINE:	Is Ewan your agent?

HARVEY:	After tonight, maybe, maybe!

GERALDINE:	Enjoy.  Hey!  Phil!

PHIL:	Geraldine!

GERALDINE:	Parties?

PHIL:	Well, Phil and I still have a 
	show to do in the morning, so 
	we’ll probably just rent a 
	pool boy and get a room 
	upstairs.

GERALDINE:	Sounds great.  Oh, there’s 
	Kathleen Hanrahan, host of 
	BCN’s Wordworks, Kathleen?
	
KATHLEEN:	What is it?

GERALDINE:	Where do you plan on spending 
	the wee hours tonight?  It’s 
	my guess you won’t be curled 
	up with a book.

KATHLEEN:	What are you suggesting?

GERALDINE:	Attending any parties?

KATHLEEN:	You know I wouldn’t miss Ewan 
	Quinlan’s, it’s always the 
	best.

SFX:	BODIES COLLIDING, URGENT FOOT 
FALLS, IMPATIENT GRUNTS, CLOTH 
RIPPING, BUTTONS POPPING

PAUL:	(off) Here, quick, get me 
	another shirt!

PA:	That’s the last of the shirts.  
	You’ll have to wear one of the 
	earlier ones.

PAUL:	They’re all soaked!  What kind 
	of operation is this?

PA:	We had five shirts, Mr. Moth.

PAUL:	Ya!  Well look at me !  
	Cripes, I’m sweating right 
	through this tux ... you’ll be 
	the one returning this to the 
	rental agency, my good man !
	
GERALDINE:	Paul ?

PAUL:	What ?  Oh Ger.  Look, I’m 
	kind of busy right now.

PA:	(off) We’re two hours over!

PAUL:	Stupid G.D. musical numbers!

GERALDINE:	What parties will you grace 
	with your presence tonight, 
	Paul?

PAUL:	Are there parties?

GERALDINE:	A few, yes.

PAUL:	Like ... where?

GERALDINE:	Well, Ewan Quinlan’s is big.

PAUL:	Geez, I guess he forgot to 
	mention it when I was talking 
	to him earlier ... are you 
	going ?

GERALDINE:	Natch.

PAUL:	Well, you have a car, right ?  
	Maybe I could just tag along 
	with ...

PA:	You’re on, Mr. Moth.

GERALDINE:	PAUL, PAUL!  Wait ...

SFX:	RETURN TO STAGE

PAUL:	What is it about a musical, 
	hey ?  Everybody loves a 
	musical.

	But we’ve come to the end of 
	our little journey in the 
	Titanic Room of the lovely 
	Hotel Palmer Hotel.  All the 
	Marconis that are going ashore 
	are gone.  And it’s been a 
	night to remember.  Thanks to 
	everyone involved!  Thanks to 
	the band, Cluney’s Beaver ...
	
SFX:	APPLAUSE.  THE REST TO BE 
FADED UNDER DRUCY AND THEN 
BROUGHT UP AT THE END FOR 
PAUL’S CIAO, APPLAUSE AND 
AWARDS SHOW THEME OUT TO 
ERLING

	our special musical guests, 
	Slain Teen’s Parents ...

SFX:	APPLAUSE

	Scrobby Lambert and the Knobs 
	...

SFX:	APPLAUSE

	Pusy...

SFX:	APPLAUSE

	The Carol Player Dancers ...

SFX:	APPLAUSE

	And all the backstage crew, 
	the lighting crew, the sound 
	crew, and the producer of the 
	1996 Newfoundland Radio 
	Awards, Ish Lundrigan.  For 
	everybody here at the Hotel 
	Palmer Hotel, I’m Paul Moth 
	saying ... Ciao!

SFX:	BAND PLAYS THEME OUT.  
APPLAUSE

DRUCY:	You’ve been listening to the 
	1996 Newfoundland Radio 
	Awards, here on BCN.  I’m 
	Drucy Maher.  Paul Moth 
	returns next week with the 
	Great Eastern.  Bye!
	
SFX:	THEME UP AND OUT

ERLING:	Good afternoon, I’m Erling 
	Biggs your award winning 
	Weather Watchdog with Traffic 
	Alert.  Traffic Alert, brought 
	to you by Furlong’s 
	Confections, proud makers of 
	the Furlong Knobs, enjoy one 
	today.
	
	First, some community 
	announcements.
	
	Despite the recent cold snap, 
	the BCN Pensioners Association 
	is holding a carwash this 
	afternoon on the vacant lot 
	adjoining the CLB Armory on 
	Harvey Road.  For two dollars, 
	your car gets a thorough 
	scrubbing and rinsing, while 
	you get a coupon for a free 
	skate sharpening at Bill’s 
	Cycle Shop.  Come down and 
	support these fine old men and 
	women of radio.
	
	Once again this year, the 
	Avalon Ornithologists Co-
	operative will hold its annual 
	Twelfth Night Bird Count.  
	Birders will gather at dusk on 
	Monday in search of our hardy 
	feathered beasts of winter.  
	The count will be followed by 
	the President’s Reception and 
	Slide Show at the Elk’s Club 
	on Carpasian Road.
	
	Now for today’s traffic 
	update, the annual St. John’s 
	Run For Poverty will go ahead 
	as scheduled this afternoon.  
	Joggers and social activists 
	will take to the streets at 
	two p.m.  Drivers are reminded 
	that the far left lane of the 
	Downtown Arterial will be 
	closed for the duration of the 
	run, so the usual traffic 
	congestion will be far worse 
	than anticipated.
	
38/38	THE MARCONIS - THE 1996 NEWFOUNDLAND RADIO AWARDS