GE 1996-7 Season 3 Episode 17: Studio O
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.
PAUL:	Word is that the new 
	collective agreement here at 
	the BCN will break down the 
	old union barriers and taboos.  
	Multi-skilling.  In the near 
	future, I could be expected to 
	perform almost any task around 
	this station.  I might even 
	have to man the board in the 
	studio, hitherto a task for 
	our highly-trained and highly-
	sensitive BCN technicians.

SFX:	PAUL PICKS UP MIC AND HEADS 
FOR CONTROL ROOM.

PAUL:	So, I have arranged with my 
	long-time sound engineer, 
	Hollis Duffett--

SFX:	ENTERS CONTROL ROOM.  BIG HUM.

PAUL:	Hello, Hollis.

HOLLIS:	Paul.

PAUL:	I’ve arranged with Hollis for 
	an introduction to the control 
	panel here in storied Studio 
	O, a glimpse behind the 
	mysterious veil of radio 
	broadcasting.

	Everything o.k., Hollis ?  You 
	cleared this with the shop 
	steward ?

HOLLIS:	You bet.

PAUL:	Our studio is affectionately 
	known as “the killing floor”, 
	a reference to the days when 
	this building was an abbatoir.  
	At my feet is the blood 
	gutter, a shallow trench now 
	painted a cautionary yellow - 
	the 1975 arbitration line, 
	beyond which lies the 
	restricted zone of control 
	board and Hollis.  (deep 
	breath)  Here goes.  One small 
	step for man, one giant step 
	for management.
	
SFX:	STEPS OVER THE LINE.

HOLLIS:	Welcome aboard.

PAUL;	Geez, Hollis, old man -- 
	you’re starting to look 
	redundant already ... just a 
	little joke.  You know, I’ve 
	never had such a close-up look 
	at the board.  Get a load of 
	this Krupps-Funkenscheit gear! 
	Some may laugh at the 
	antiquity of this venerable 
	station’s technology, but they 
	sure don’t build it sturdy 
	like this anymore, do they 
	Hollis ?

HOLLIS:	They sure don’t.

SFX:	BANGS THE BOARD.

PAUL:	Cast-iron frame with 
	vulcanized steel cross-beams; 
	the stick shifts, the levers 
	and ... I don’t know what 
	those are;  knobs you can 
	really get your hand around;  
	radium-rich lights casting a 
	fiery glow down onto eight fat 
	columns of controls, each 
	strip so wide you could  land 
	a squadron of Messerschmidts 
	... and you rarely see a 
	mixing console these days that 
	still has the wow and flutter 
	foot pedals.

PAUL:	So, Hollis, this doesn’t look 
	so difficult.  Most of it is 
	automated these days, anyway, 
	isn’t it, Hollis ?

HOLLIS:	Automated.  Yeah.

PAUL:	If the music’s all cued up, 
	why don’t you take this 
	opportunity to grab yourself 
	... a cup of java.

HOLLIS:	Sure, Paul.

PAUL:	What strip is my microphone 
	on?

HOLLIS:	Three.

SFX:	HOLLIS LEAVES

PAUL:	Let’s see, ein, zwei, drei.... 
	this must be it.  Boy, this 
	brings me back to my days at 
	the university station -- the 
	technology’s fairly similar, 
	actually.  What’s this ?  
	“Wiederhallen”.  Try some of 
	that.

GETS LOTS OF REVERB.

	Testing.... testing....  
	Alright!  (radio dj voice)  
	You’re listening to The 
	Intergalactic Pulse -- I’m 
	your astral troop leader, Paul 
	Moth, and now, from planet 
	Beefheart, the Captain’s 
	latest vinyl coagulant .... 
	
EFFECT OFF

	Groovy.  O.k., how about a 
	little “Aufs-chub”.

DELAY EFFECT.

	What does that do to the old 
	VOX ?  Heh, I like this.  How 
	come I never get to sound this 
	good ?  (dj voice)  It’s 11:47 
	here on your big rock station 
	... (notices clock)  Wait a 
	minute, the clock is stopped.  
	That can’t be right ! Where’s 
	Hollis ?

SFX:	A LITTLE ALARM STARTS BEEPING

PAUL:	(starting to hyperventilate)  
	No need to panic ... you  at 
	home, don’t panic, remain calm 
	... Oh my god.  O.k., the 
	music.  (looking frantically)  
	Cue button, cue button, cue 
	button .  Ah, “sturm”, no ... 
	“drang”, no ... “ostpolitik”, 
	no ... “Stichwort”, this looks 
	like it 

SFX:	HITS BUTTON AND WE GET THEME 
IN TO SHOW, OR THEME OUT, OR 
COMBO OF BOTH.  PAUL FRANTIC 
BUTTON PUNCHING LEADS NO 
WHERE.

DOOR TO STUDIO OPENS

PAUL:	Hollis !  Where are you ?  
	Help me !

HOLLIS RETURNS.  PUNCHES OFF 
SIX OR SEVEN BUTTONS. THE 
PANDEMONIUM ENDS

HOLLIS:	Good work, Paul ?

PAUL:	What do I do now ?

HOLLIS:	Speak into the microphone.  
	Introduce the music.

PAUL:	O.k., good.

	From Cape Breton, here’s 
	Natalie MacMaster with “The 
	Drunken Piper.”

CD:	CUT 7	4:19

Page 7 of 7	STUDIO TOUR - SHOW # 17