GE 1996-7 Season 3 Episode 17: Trends
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.
PAUL: Despite all my efforts to put a stop to it, 1997 is upon us.
Time to talk with some arbiters of that which is or will soon be hip for
the new year. I’m at the Cafe des Poseurs with trend sentinels and
setters Laurence Hiscock-Royce and Geraldine Cumby.
LARRY: Paul.
PAUL: Larry watches hem-lines for the BCN. Geraldine is
sycophant to the stars and entertainment beatrix.
GER: Paul.
PAUL: What’s in? What out?
GER: Look no further than your beverage.
PAUL: Hmmm?
GER: Try it.
PAUL: There’s no booze in this?
GER: Hardly.
SFX: Paul sips.
PAUL: Ovaltine?
LARRY: I’m having a bovril.
PAUL: Good idea Lawrence, you look a little ... anemic.
SFX: Larry and Ger laugh.
GER: It’s the new look.
LARRY: Street chic.
PAUL: Again.
LARRY: No, not the tiresome old leather jacket and the seventy
dollar do.
GER: Genuine street people can’t afford leather jackets.
LARRY: We’re talking the real thing, a gaunt, lost, filthy, homeless
look.
PAUL: You’ve got that.
LARRY: Thank you.
GER: But while still looking younger and more beautiful.
LARRY: Yes younger and more beautiful are definitely in
PAUL: And ... I don’t know if I should go down this road
Lawrence but ... well you showed up stinking of booze and ...
LARRY: It’s the latest scent.
GER: “Vagrant.” It’s fabulous.
PAUL: Really? (Paul sniffs) What is it, rye?
LARRY: Yes.
PAUL: ... and mold or mildew, urine ... is that vomit?
LARRY: A touch.
PAUL: And this appeals to you Geraldine ... as a woman?
GER: As a middle class woman, riddled with guilt, yes, very
much so. Having sex with Lawrence - this is hypothetical Larry.
LARRY: Truer words.
GER: Having sex with Larry in his current state would be
reaching out, it would be charity. Besides it suggests some of the
adventure of degradation.
LARRY: The guilt thing is in evidence everywhere this year.
GER: I’m sure it’s behind this being arrested thing.
PAUL: Arrested?
LARRY: Now and how! to be charged with something. Public
scandal, found roaming around in a daze, dragged into court in
handcuffs, weeping, incredible remorse.
GER: And to plead out ...
LARRY: Community service, re-hab, that sort of thing. Everybody
who’s anybody will be cleaning up parks, taking old ladies shopping.
PAUL: I’ve been arrested.
GER: “Been” - key word.
PAUL: No felony nostalgia then
LARRY: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
PAUL: No?
LARRY: No.
PAUL: Other trends?
LARRY: Men in dresses.
PAUL: They say that every year.
GER: Rotary dial cell phones.
SFX: phone opening and dial tone.
GER: SEE! Larry’s already got his.
LARRY: But I’m not answering it.
PAUL: Why not?
GER: No one is ever home in 1997.
PAUL: Can I leave a message.
SFX: Laugh at Paul.
LARRY: Leaving a message was out last year. I got rid of my
machine in March.
GER: I’m off my service.
PAUL: Music?
LARRY: Retro.
GER: I see a big Al Stewart revival.
LARRY: Please Geraldine! I’m listening to a little rock n’ roll band
called Grand Funk Railroad. “We’re An American Band. The Loco
Motion” perhaps you’ve heard of them.
GER: This from the genius who predicted a Norwegian invasion
last year.
LARRY: I wasn’t seen walking about town dressed like a Dutch
milk maid!
GER: I bet that milk maid outfit got me more dinner invitations
than that Satin turban.
LARRY: Do you really want to stroll down memory lane Geraldine?
Because I give a little slide show called “Woman of The Eighties”
GER: (gasp and then through tears) Lawrence! No!
LARRY: Oh yes my little kitten.
GER: You cruel and heartless Monster.