PAUL:	They have been conspicuously 
	absent for some months now, 
	but I am happy to announce the 
	return of our Panel on 
	Political Culture in Nfld.  
	Those listeners who inquired 
	after our pundits will have to 
	excuse our failure to reply.  
	We were prohibited from 
	mentioning anything to do with 
	this panel by order of the 
	courts.  The matter has been 
	resolved ... or will be ... 
	shortly.
	
	I welcome back to our show 
	Ariel Flint, host of BCN’s 
	Show Trial.

ARIEL:	Paul.

PAUL:	J. Richard Candow, pundit and 
	pollster.

JR:	Ha Ha !

PAUL:	And on the line from The Plain 
	of Jars in Laos is Professor 
	of Political Economy at the 
	University of Newfoundland at 
	St. John’s, Carl Johnson.

CARL:	Paul.

PAUL:	Well, folks, let’s get it out 
	of the way.  

	“On October the 26th of last 
	year, during the course of 
	this segment of our programme, 
	certain aspersions were cast 
	upon the good character of J. 
	Richard Candow relating to 
	matters that cannot be 
	mentioned now or hereafter, 
	which created the impression 
	that Mr. Candow was or may 
	have been involved in 
	activities of a certain nature 
	that cannot be specified.  The 
	Broadcasting Corporation of 
	Newfoundland apologizes to Mr. 
	Candow, his family, friends 
	and legal representatives.”
		
	Now the hard part of the 
	settlement.  J. Richard, I’m 
	sorry.

JR:	Thank you, Paul.

SILENCE

PAUL:	I’m afraid, Ariel, that we 
	cannot continue until this is 
	...

ARIEL:	OKAY ! OKAY !  I’m sorry.

JR:	Hmmmm ?  Were you speaking to 
	me ?

ARIEL:	I am sorry, J. Richard.

JR:	I beg your pardon ?

ARIEL:	Don’t push your luck.

PAUL:	Carl ?

SILENCE

PAUL:	I guess we’ve got some problem 
	with Carl’s line.  We’ll try 
	and clear that up directly.

	Let’s get back in to the 
	groove !

	A lot has transpired since 
	last we convened.  Most 
	surprisingly J. Richard, you 
	are on record as saying the 
	country is going too far to 
	the right ?  Can this be true 
	?

ARIEL:	It’s a trick.

JR:	What I said was that the rush 
	to occupy the terrain on the 
	right was proceeding too 
	quickly, people are going to 
	run out of room before the 
	next elections.  Mike Harris, 
	I love you guy, but slow down.
	
ARIEL:	Where are the limits, Herr 
	Candow ?

JR:	Well, The Ontario Minister of 
	Justice is already after 
	women, who can you vilify 
	next?
	
ARIEL:	Ethnic populations ?

JR:	Been done.  Although I think 
	we can look forward to someone 
	blaming the deficit on 
	Aboriginal peoples.

ARIEL:	The real tragedy of people 
	like Mike Harris, Paul Martin, 
	and J. Richard is that the 
	left has failed to capitalize 
	on them.

PAUL:	Clarification, please, Ariel.

ARIEL:	These guys, busily making 
	Canada safe for banking, 
	present the biggest, slowest 
	targets since Van der Zam, and 
	I have to admit we are blowing 
	it.

JR:	Yeah, the NDP for instance. 
	They should have made Sven 
	leader instead of 
	whatshername.

ARIEL:	A .... whatshername ... is a 
	perfectly ....

JR:	Sven Robinson, that guy could 
	have been scary.

PAUL:	How so ?

JR:	He’s a big fellow.  He looks 
	kind of skinny on T.V. but 
	that’s only cause he’s so 
	tall.

ARIEL:	What ?  Are you saying you’re 
	physically afraid of Sven ?

JR:	Think of his reach !  And have 
	you seen his boyfriend, this 
	guy is huge.

PAUL:	Wait a second, J. Richard, 
	surely you can’t ...

JR:	NO ?  Ed Broadbent gave me a 
	shove one time.

ARIEL;	Yeah, well Ed could be 
	vicious.

JR:	And the chicks would have gone 
	nuts for Sven.

ARIEL:	I’m afraid to ask .

JR:	Come on Ariel, let’s speak 
	frankly. (soto voce)  He’s a 
	homosexual, woman are more 
	comfortable with ...

ARIEL:	Do not go down this road, J. 
	Richard !

JR:	You are so !  You don’t find 
	them sexually threatening and 
	so ...

ARIEL:	WHAT !

JR:	Come on now !  Doug Young or 
	Sven who ...

ARIEL:	Doug Young ? 	

JR:	Woman are attracted to him.  
	He’s a sex symbol in New 
	Brunswick.

PAUL:	The land of Anne.

ARIEL:	Paul !  Do something.

PAUL:	Right !  On to the next topic.  
	Yankee Running Dogs Nip at 
	Canuck heels as ...
	
ARIEL:	What about the Sheila Copps 
	Cultural Brain Storm Story?
		
J.R.:	Yeah.

PAUL:	Where I’m personally involved 
	...

ARIEL:	What happened?

PAUL:	I was invited by the Minister 
	of Heritage to a “private” 
	consultancy on the future of 
	Canadian Culture.  I turned it 
	down.

J.R.:	Why?

PAUL:	Please, J. Richard, I will not 
	consort with a bunch of 
	Liberal cronies and wealthy 
	dilettantes and rubber stamp 
	some half baked proposals to 
	“mainstream” culture - 
	whatever that means.  Besides 
	I was just the token former 
	substance abuser.
	
ARIEL:	I’d guess you were the token 
	Newfoundlander.
	
PAUL:	Oh?  Could be.

J.R.:	Yeah!  And now there’ll be no 
	token Newfoundlander.

PAUL:	Sorry, anyway the whole 
	operation stinks.

ARIEL:	Gourmet catering for the 
	corporate elite is not very 
	creative.  Sheila you want 
	culture, fund artists.  That’s 
	the way it’s always worked.  
	
PAUL:	Back to our script friends. 

	Lloyd Axworthy pisses in Uncle 
	Sam’s path by paying a visit 
	to Fidel Castro.  Both J. 
	Richard and Ariel are frequent 
	visitors to Cuba.  What gives, 
	Companeros ?
	
ARIEL:	Most favoured nation status 
	for the Chinese and a hissy 
	fit over Cuba !  The hypocrisy 
	of the Yanks is unbelievable.
	
JR:	If I were Lloyd, I’d watch it. 
	They betrayed Bob Vesco.
	
ARIEL:	They arrested Robert Vesco 
	because he was a ...

JR:	Bob Vesco is a legitimate 
	business man and personal 
	friend of mine. I will not sit 
	here and ...

ARIEL:	What was his business ?

JR:	Hmm ?

ARIEL:	In which “legitimate 
	enterprise” was your “friend” 
	Robert Vesco engaged when they 
	finally lowered the boom ?

JR:	You are sooo naive.  I can’t 
	discuss that kind of thing 
	over the air.  Jeez I just 
	squeaked through the last 
	investigation, thank God you 
	guys fell for the out of court 
	settlement.

CARL:	Hasta la victoria siempre !

PAUL:	Carl !

JR:	Apologize.

CARL:	I’m not sure I have anything 
	to apologize for.

ARIEL:	Right on, Carl.

PAUL:	There’s a court order, Carl.

JR:	Say you’re sorry, Johnson.

CARL:	(sings) “Non, Je ne regrette 
	rien.”

PAUL:	that’s all the time we have 
	for our political panel.  I 
	want to thank Ariel Flint and 
	J Richard Candow who were with 
	me in the studio.
	
ARIEL:	Paul.

JR:	Moth.

PAUL:	And Carl Johnson, on the line 
	from Laos.

	And unless we’ve said anything 
	untoward this time, we’ll see 
	you all again soon, looking at 
	the political culture of Nfld.

Page 3 of 12	POLPAN - SHOW # 18