PAUL:	Under difficult circumstances 
	we have re-convened our 
	political panel.  Joining me 
	in the studio is pollster, 
	pundit and all round 
	management yes-man J. Richard 
	Candow.

J.R.:	Demand the right to work.

PAUL:	As she was unwilling to cross 
	the picket-line in front of 
	our broadcast facility, we are 
	joined on the phone by Ariel 
	Flint.

ARIEL:	I want to say Paul that I 
	speak to you today with some 
	reluctance, and am only doing 
	so to express my solidarity 
	with the striking coal stokers 
	and tube engineers.  I won’t 
	do this again.

J.R.:	Don’t you have a contract do 
	provide a weekly program on 
	the BCN?

ARIEL:	Yes, and I’m prepared to 
	violate the terms of that 
	contract.

PAUL:	Careful now Ariel.

CARL:	Paul?

PAUL:	Oh I’m sorry I’d forgotten, 
	also on the line , from Hong 
	Kong, is Valdmanis Chair in 
	Political Economy at the 
	University of Newfoundland at 
	St. John’s, Carl Jonson. 

CARL:	Hello everybody.

PAUL:	Yes Ariel I was saying, be 
	careful, I got a very rough 
	reception on the line ....

ARIEL:	That’s different, you crossed, 
	you’re a scab.

J.R.:	Way to scab there Paul.

PAUL:	I’m not a scab! I didn’t cross 
	the line last week and the 
	show didn’t go on the air, the 
	message of the struggle didn’t 
	get out!
	
ARIEL:	And you’re afraid you’ll be 
	fired.

J.R.:	That’s what I told Ish, get 
	the lay-off notices ready, do 
	an air-traffic controller on 
	these pinkos.

PAUL:	I can’t honestly say that the 
	threat - and it was quite 
	explicit - didn’t affect my 
	decision to come in, I mean 
	broadcasting jobs aren’t 
	growing on trees these days 
	...

ARIEL:	They’re playing on your fear.

J.R.:	You’re only being realistic.

PAUL:	I’m so conflicted.

J.R.:	The announcers aren’t on 
	strike, Ariel’s breaking her 
	contract, she’s going to be 
	fired.

ARIEL:	ANNOUNCER!?  Please!  I’m a 
	serious journalist.

PAUL:	Oh ... I’m getting a signal 
	now to move on to our next 
	topic, Canuck Trade Minister 
	Art Eggelton, former mayor of 
	the former city of Toronto, 
	says Culture is up for grabs 
	in trade talks with Uncle Sam.
	
CARL:	I was on the Caplan-Sau--

ARIEL:	It absolutely disgusts me.  
	Eggelton’s yet another 
	Canadian coward that Jack 
	Valenti’s got by the balls.

J.R.:	I didn’t go down that way at 
	all.  He wanted to meet 
	Rosanne, Jack set it up. What 
	is the harm in that!
	
ARIEL:	You know I think we, I mean 
	some of the country’s cultural 
	advocates, can take some the 
	blame.

J.R.:	This should be good.

ARIEL:	When we started using the term 
	“cultural industries”  a 
	number of artists cautioned us 
	that something like this might 
	occur, that we would someday 
	be lumped in with autoparts or 
	shakes and shingles, that 
	culture would be treated like 	
	any other commodity.

J.R.:	I love that word.  And why 
	not! Everything is a 
	commodity! The world’s for 
	sale, there are bargains to be 
	had.  The state is getting in 
	the way of market forces, 
	which as you know, can 
	straighten it all out.

ARIEL:	“The state is ...” The 
	Canadian state, or one of its 
	functioning arms, always seems 
	to be getting in the way of 
	trade.  Why not get rid of the 
	country, eliminate the border 
	altogether?

J.R.:	We will.

PAUL:	Sorry?

J.R.:	Once the national debt is paid 
	off.  Why do you think Prime 
	Minister Martin is in such a 
	rush.

ARIEL:	For the last time! Jean 
	Chretien is still the Prime 
	Minister.

J.R.:	Isn’t he a funny guy.  He’s so 
	goofy nobody’s afraid of him, 
	it’s the perfect cover for 
	Trader Paul.

PAUL:	Before we run out of time.  
	The Reform Party of Canada has 
	produced a campaign video, two 
	million copies of which will 
	be distributed through-out 
	Canada.  Our man to the right 
	has managed to secure an 
	advance copy, which he 
	previews for us now.

J.R.:	Cripes, what kind of an 
	operation is this ... video 
	out?  is this it?

PAUL:	Our resident tube engineer 
	Hollis Duffet would normally 
	handle this, but with the 
	strike.

ARIEL:	Who in the Reform Party sent 
	you the tape?

J.R.:	I have my sources.  Here we 
	go.

SFX:	Pornographic tape.

J.R.:	This can’t be it.

PAUL:	It seems ... unlikely. Oh wait 
	now that looks like ... No.

J.R.:	It must have got mixed up with 
	...  Sorry.

PAUL:	Disappointing.  Thank you so 
	much.

CARL:	(on pornographic tape?) Hey 
	Babe.

PAUL:	Is that?

CARL:	What?

PAUL:	Oh, nothing Carl.

ARIEL:	We just thought for a second--
	- nothing.

CARL:	Now, Paul, about Canadian 
	culture --

PAUL:	Thus concludes a somewhat 
	rocky panel on political 
	culture.  Let’s hope the 
	strike is settled soon and we 
	can get you all back in the 
	ring, face to face.  J Richard 
	Candow, here in the studio, 
	Professor Carl Jonson on the 
	line, and Ariel Flint on the 
	line on the other side of the 
	line.  Thank you all. 

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