PAUL:	Joining me behind Moth Manor on Quidi Vidi Road is master 
	mechanic, Derek Gallant.

DEREK:	How are you Paul?

PAUL:	Some listeners may remember Derek as the former, discredited 
	host of BCN's automotive program, the "Grease Monkey".  Sorry about the show.

DEREK:	How are things down at the station?

PAUL:	Oh, you know--

NEIGHBOUR:	( SHOUTING )  Hey, Paul !

PAUL:	Don't mind him.

NEIGHBOUR:	( SHOUTING )  Who have you got there, Paul ?

PAUL:	( SHOUTING )  It's the car guy!

NEIGHBOUR:	( SHOUTING )  Is that the antique guy ?

PAUL:	Stop hounding me. 

NEIGHBOUR:	( SHOUTING )  I got something old for him to look at.

PAUL:	( SHOUTING )  I told you it's the car guy !

DEREK:	I could get rid of him for you, Paul.

PAUL:	What ?

NEIGHBOUR:	( SHOUTING )  What ?

DEREK:	Nothing.  How's your Mother ?

PAUL:	Frankly, Derek, that's why I asked you out.  Mom is not too well these days, and...

	Geez, I don't think this shed's seen the light of day since Dad died in '66.

SFX:	KEY IN LOCK, GIANT WOOD DOORS OPEN, WOODEN BEAM FALLS, DUST AND ETC.

	... anyway, god forbid anything should happen ... but, who knows when I might 
	need to drive her down to St. Finnian's Teaching Hospital in the middle of the night.

And I gotta get out more. 

DEREK:	So you need a car.

PAUL:	Ecce homo, Dad's Hillman.  

DEREK:	Well boy Paul it looks rough, this could set you back a few dollars.

PAUL:	Don't you want to see it first?

DEREK:	Oh yeah, sure.

SFX:	PULLING OFF BOXES.

PAUL:	Let's get some of these boxes off...

DEREK:	A uniform of some kind, is it?

PAUL:	Ya, Dad served with the Jowls and Cavalancers Light Infantry in WWII.  
	They liberated Au Pair in '44.

DEREK:	It doesn't look army.  There's a cape, and a mask or something.

PAUL:	Oh, that must be the Knight's Templar -- Dad was a member -- some sort 
	of men's service club

DEREK:	Your Dad was into shoes, was he?

PAUL:	Ah, he was a shoe salesman at Parker and Monroe's.

DEREK:	I never saw any shoes like this down to Parker and Monroe's.

PAUL:	What?

DEREK:	(reading label) Catezzio.

PAUL:	Let me see that.

DEREK:	That's some pump buddy.

PAUL:	I'll say.  Anyway, Derek, on to business.

SFX:	TAA - DAA !  ( OR PULL OFF TARP )

DEREK:	Holy Mother.

PAUL:	A`62 Hillman Khartoum - General Gordon Edition.  The dust won't let you 
	see the old ... (tiger stripe pattern), once sported by this mighty beast, 
	but believe me, it's there.

DEREK:	This mighty beast couldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding.  Anyway, 
	let's see if we can fire up the old Khartoum.

PAUL:	That's one of the problems, Derek.  Dad's mind ... went, just before 
	he died, for the last 16 years or so ... and ... ah, he put the keys somewhere 
	and neither Mom nor I can find 'em.  Problem ?

DEREK:	Well, Paul, would be a problem for lesser people, but ...

PAUL:	Not for the Grease Monkey, hey?

DEREK:	Pop the hood.

PAUL:	Ah, doors are locked.

DEREK:	I got just the thing.

SFX:	WINDOW BREAKING

PAUL:	Cripes, Derek !

DEREK:	It's only a fly window, Paul.  Bit of plastic over that ...

PAUL:	But it's an antique !

DEREK:	Sure it is, Paul.

PAUL:	Well, never mind.

SFX:	DOOR OPENING, BRUSHING OF GLASS OFF SEAT.

DEREK:	Look at that hey, the Ivory knobs, the ... wood dash.  Smell that?

PAUL:	That'll take you back.

DEREK:	Curried leather interior, you don't see that anymore.

SFX:	HOOD POPS.  RUSTY TRUNK RAISING. PAUL JOINS DEREK IN FRONT OF MOTOR.

PAUL:	Think there's any way this baby will be up and running soon ?  
	I need something for my driving test.

DEREK:	You'll never get this on the road legally.

PAUL:	Huh ?

DEREK:	Look at this.

PAUL:	Carburetor ?

DEREK:	No, the Khartoum had an Appeasulator, fitted on a lot of English 
	cars from '37 on. But I don't think this runs on gasoline.

PAUL:	Dad was always complaining about the price of a gallon.

DEREK:	( SNIFFS )  He had it rigged up for stove oil.

PAUL:	Boy I recall those summer nights, when I'd lift the keys out of 
	a ... nodding ... Dad's waistcoat and steal away into the dull evening, 
	trolling the streets of St. John's with my pals, swilling Haig Ale.

DEREK:	Ya.  Could you just pass me that gasket wrench ...

PAUL:	Dad loved this car. Spent all his free time out here in the shed, 
	tinkering with the Hillman...

DEREK:	Ya.  I don't like the looks of this.

PAUL:	After a few drinks, though, he'd start with the stories, and let go 
	with these bawdy Walloon songs.

DEREK:	No, I don't like the looks of this at all.  No.  Wait a minute.  
	Ya. Ya.  O.k., let's give her a try.  Get ready with the gas...  O.k., now.

SFX:	IGNITION.  GIVING GAS WITHOUT STARTING.

PAUL:	Almost got her.

DEREK:	Ya.

PAUL:	Ha-ha, man ... you know, Derek, I had my first ... ah, "sexual experience" ... 
	of, ah, of, ah a particular variety, in the back seat.  Sweet, eager, fun-loving ... 
	what was her name ?

DEREK:	I bet she went wild, didn't she?

PAUL:	I had a few moves, you know.

DEREK:	That was the vibrations off the old Coventry Climax exhaust system, 
	runs right under the passenger seat.  Ready?  Give her some gas now.

SFX:	MESSERSCHMIDT ENGINE.  DIES.

PAUL:	Almost got her.  Look at that: Radio stuck right on 520.  Dad, bless his 
	heart, had her tuned to the BCN.

DEREK:	Try it again.

SFX:	New engine turns over.

PAUL:	Bombing down the southern shore highway, the wind in your hair,  Vrooooom!

DEREK:	Give her some gas!

PAUL:	What?

DEREK:	GAS!

SFX:	Engine races and explodes.

PAUL:	That didn't sound good, Derek.

SFX:	Paul out of car.

PAUL:	You're looking ... very concerned.

DEREK:	Yeah I tell you now Paul this is going to require a fair bit of work.

PAUL:	What are we talking about?

DEREK:	Head-pan gasket replaced, cylinders have to be re-bored, valve job.

PAUL:	Naturally.

DEREK:	Pressure plate on the clutch, conversion back to gas, new drive shaft 
	and that's to start, I'm only guessing, once I get in there.

PAUL:	Estimate ...

DEREK:	That's depending of course, you 	know it's hard to say.

PAUL:	My salary, you've heard, no doubt of the severe cut backs in public 
	broadcasting ...

DEREK:	And with an old vehicle like this, there are no guarentees.

PAUL:	But bottom line Derek.

DEREK:	I don't know Paul, depending on when I can get at 'er, and there's a 
	few in ahead of you, and I'd be ordering the parts.  Anywhere from 400 
	bucks to ... I don't know b'y few thousand.

PAUL:	Few.

DEREK:	No more that six of seven.

PAUL:	Thousand.

DEREK:	That's parts. If we can get 'em.  I tell you Paul, I think she's after 
	throwing a rod.

PAUL:	Ouch.

DEREK:	Or...

PAUL:	Yes.

DEREK:	I'll give you fifty bucks for her.

PAUL:	Yeah?

DEREK:	I'm doing you a favour.

PAUL:	Well, its's not really mine to sell, Derek ... but perhaps ... where I 
	can see she's still up in the window there ... (whisper) maybe you could come back later.

Thank you, Derek Gallant.

SFX:	BOYS LEAVE, CLOSE DOORS.  RADIO COMES ALIVE IN THEIR ABSENCE

RADIO:	You are listening to the Broadcasting Corporation of Nfld., 520 on your 
	radio dial... 1966 (Ben Travato?)