PAUL:	Big week in Newfoundland 
	letters, and popular author 
	and critic Kathleen Hanrahan 
	joins me with another edition 
	of Wordworks.  Good to see 
	you, Kathleen.

KATHLEEN:	Hello, Paul, it’s nice to be 
	back.

	I heard your interview a 
	couple of weeks ago with 
	Margaret Atwood ...

PAUL:	God, I was so embarrassed !  I 
	went out and read “A 
	Handmaid’s Tale” immediately.
	
	That’s a scary story.

KATHLEEN:	It is.

PAUL:	But now I can unconditionally 
	recommend her as a writer.  
	Great stuff.

	Now I don’t overstate the case 
	in saying that this new book 
	that you’ve brought in is one 
	we’ve [ STOP DEAD ]... Is that 
	...  It is !  That’s Ari 
	Uldmanis in the control room 
	... Come in.  No, no, come on, 
	come in, come in, Ari.
	
SFX:	DOORS OPENING TO STUDIO

	You don’t mind, do you, 
	Kathleen ?

KATHLEEN:	Not at all.

PAUL:	Ari Uldmanis, our grand old 
	man of the long waves, BCN’s 
	director of engineering 
	emeritus. 

KATHLEEN:	Ari, it’s delightful to see 
	you again.

SFX:	LITTLE PECK ON THE CHEEK

ARI:	Miss Hanrahan.

KATHLEEN:	Oh Ari, slay me with that old-
	world charm.

PAUL:	You’ve been on quite a 
	journey.

ARI:	Yes, I’m just back from 
	Africa.

KATHLEEN:	I didn’t know that.

PAUL:	Must have been fascinating.

ARI:	I was helping set up Radio 
	Oougubomba.  They purchased 
	some of the BCN’s old coal-
	fired equipment, and I served 
	as a technical advisor.

PAUL:	Now, Oogoobomba got swallowed 
	up recently by ...  Upper 
	Volta, is it?

ARI:	High Volta.

PAUL:	Good reception, I guess, in 
	the High Volta.

ARI:	Yes, and of course that warm 
	tone to the coal-fired signal 
	-- everyone’s happy.   A great 
	success.
 
KATHLEEN:	I read there was a civil war 
	brewing, though?

ARI:	Yes, the international price 
	of betel nuts is at an all-
	time low, 

PAUL:	I took a bath on betel nuts...

ARI:	-- and just north of 
	Beebopalula in 
	Ramalamadingdong province, 
	there fundamentalists have 
	established a traditional 
	matriarchal republic.  
	
PAUL:	Wow.

ARI:	All men wear veils and they 
	are kept isolated in large 
	groups and only brought out 
	for sex or as slave labour on 
	the plantations.

PAUL:	Scary.

KATHLEEN:	Finally.

ARI:	Well, it was quite exciting 
	for a few days, but then I had 
	to buy my freedom back.
	
KATHLEEN:	Did you manage to get back to 
	the old country on your 
	travels?	

ARI:	Yes, I did actually.

KATHLEEN:	Family and friends ?

ARI:	Yes, it’s wonderful since the 
	wall came down--

PAUL:	But -- you’re from Latvia, 
	aren’t you?

ARI:	Hm?  Yes, from Latvia.

KATHLEEN:	Which wall came down in 
	Latvia?

ARI:	Ah ... the Great wall of Riga 
	-- a very lovely wall, and sad 
	to see it come down. 

PAUL:	Well, it’s good to see you, 
	Ari.

KATHLEEN:	Hope we get a chance to chat 
	at the Open House next week ?
	
ARI:	Oh yes, I’ll be there in my 
	old haunt ... the Museum of 
	Broadcastology.

PAUL:	Ari Uldmanis, BCN’s ambassador 
	of the long waves.

ARI & KATHLEEN:	Good bye.

SFX:	DOOR CLOSES AS ARI LEAVES

PAUL:	That was exciting.  A visitor 
	to Wordworks.  Now, Kathleen, 
	to another exciting event.
	 
KATHLEEN:	Yes.  It’s the publication, 
	after many years of 
	preparation, of the Collected 
	Faery Tales of Newfoundland.
	
PAUL:	Beautiful book, thousands of 
	pages, hundreds of 
	illustrations and must weigh 
	in at nine or ten pounds.

KATHLEEN:	It’s the complete.

PAUL:	And unexpurgated.

KATHLEEN:	Compilers Maxie Porter and 
	Vina Bastow decided to print 
	these tales as they’ve been 
	told in Newfoundland over the 
	ages.  All the Little Billy 
	Penton stories are here.

PAUL:	That’s great.  The Great 
	Eastern will be doing its 
	annual reading of Little Billy 
	Penton’s Christmas in the 
	Mines again this year.  Can we 
	count on you, Kathleen?
	
KATHLEEN:	Wouldn’t miss it for the 
	world.

PAUL:	The collection has not escaped 
	criticism.  A group of parents 
	are complaining that too many 
	of the stories and fables 
	included here are 
	inappropriate for young 
	children.

KATHLEEN:	They are pretty grizzly.

PAUL:	Come off it, Kathleen.  You’re 
	a free-thinker, aren’t you ?

KATHLEEN:	Bezzletines crawling beneath 
	the skin of children, inducing 
	tormented dances ?

PAUL:	(laughs)  Ha Ha, “look at 
	young Gar, he’s got 
	bezzletines up ‘im.”  Ya, 
	there’s nothing so well-
	behaved as a shit-baked 
	youngster.

KATHLEEN:	And Night Globbers and Hurly 
	Snarks ...

PAUL:	Smatchy Jat Worms and Yalbs! 
	But how to translate these 
	creatures of Newfoundland 
	folklore for a Canadian 
	audience?

KATHLEEN:	Well, they’re our Trolls and 
	Hobgoblins.

PAUL:	What’s a troll next to a Hurly 
	Snark ?

KATHLEEN:	A troll would eat you.

PAUL:	You’d beg a Hurly Snark to eat 
	you, Kathleen.

KATHLEEN:	True.  Oh, and of course, we 
	can’t forget to mention the 
	wonderful Tale of the Woolly 
	Beast.

PAUL:	Oh, hold it right there, 
	Kathleen.
	
KATHLEEN:	What?

PAUL:	Bad bad memories. My dad used 
	to tell me and my brother that 
	... and it really ... upsets 
	me ...  ugh, just thinking 
	about it..
	
KATHLEEN:	The Woolly Beast ?

PAUL:	Gasp ... yes.

SFX:	FLIPPING THROUGH PAGES

KATHLEEN:	I don’t know why you’d find 
	this any more scary than the 
	others.

PAUL:	No, Kathleen, can’t read from 
	that.
	
KATHLEEN:	Come on, Paul, you’ve got to 
	confront this sometime.
	
PAUL:	I spose, I spose.

KATHLEEN:	“There is a tale known
	By many deceased,
	The dark fearsome yarn
	Of the great Woolly Beast.
	
	There’s one thing for sure,
	It’s not never been seen,
	Not from top head to tip tail,
	If you know what I mean.
	
	He’s covered with fur
	Matted and foul,
	The hum coming off him
	Will make children howl.
	
	There’s talk of a maw
	With teeth set like knives.
	Those that have felt them
	Have paid with their lives. 
 
	He’s large as a mountain,
	Five miles wide,
	But with silence and stealth
	He slips by your side.

	The great Woolly Beast
	Roams far and wide
	Seeking bad children
	To stuff down inside.

	He might fancy your head
	Or your liver instead,
	You are his dinner
	Laying in bed.

	He starts with your toes,
	For soft brain he’s bound,
	He slurps and chaws loudly,
	Your sweet spots he’s found. 
	
	He savours each bite,
	He chews with no haste,
	Each bone full of marrow
	He sucks for the taste.
 
PAUL:	That’s enough, Kathleen.  I 
	can’t take anymore.

KATHLEEN:	But the worst little boy---.

PAUL:	Don’t even think of reading 
	the next verse!

KATHLEEN:	Oh, come on.

PAUL:	(Puts fingers in ears and 
starts humming).

KATHLEEN:	(Laughs)

PAUL:	Finished yet ?

KATHLEEN:	Finished.

PAUL:	The Collected Faery Tales of 
	Newfoundland is published by 
	Stopcock Press, and retails 
	for $179.

	Thanks for coming in, 
	Kathleen.

KATHLEEN:	My pleasure, Paul.

Page 12 of 12	WORDWORKS - SHOW #5