SFX:	HEAVY DOOR, ELECTRONIC BUZZING 
AND TICKING, PAUL ENTERS HIGH 
SECURITY ZONE

GUARD:	Just step through there, Sir.

PAUL:	I have a plate in my head.

GUARD:	Like, a metal plate ?

PAUL:	Yeah ...

GUARD:	Okay, we’ve got it.  Now over 
	here, please put your hands 
	behind your head.

PAUL:	Sure.  Could you just hold the 
	mic. for me?  Thanks.

	I am at the entry gate of 
	Infobelt, an industrial 
	dataprocessing and analysis 
	facility in the new Farben 
	Commercial Park on the out-
	skirts of St. John’s.

	Hey Sailor, mind yourself. 
 
	All clear?

GUARD:	Good so far  Now, if you’ll 
	step over here.

PAUL:	No way, Seeker, I’m not that 
	anxious for the story.

IRVING:	(approaching) That’s ok, 
	Claude, I’ll keep an eye on 
	him.

GUARD:	O.k., Mr. Keough.

PAUL:	Ah, -- what a relief.

IRVING:	Welcome to Infobelt, Paul. My 
	name is Irving Keough, I’m the 
	public relations officer.  
	You’ll excuse the treatment, 
	but we can’t be too cautious  
	-- industrial espionage and so 
	forth.

PAUL:	Natch.

IRVING:	This way.

SFX:	CROSS FADE TO DEEPER INTERIOR 
OF THE BUILDING.

RECORDED VOICES:	Ocupe, libre, ocupe, libre, 
	libre, libre, ocupe...

PAUL:	We’ve been walking for miles 
	past sterile offices, past 
	glassed-in servers, mini to 
	super computers, all humming 
	away in the service of 
	industry.

IRVING:	That’s right.

PAUL:	Our Government has made much 
	of its success in luring you 
	to the island.  Premier Tobin 
	was so happy about snatching 
	you away from those smug 
	bastards in New Brunswick that 
	he sent Frank McKenna an 
	obscene photograph of the 
	Newfoundland cabinet.

IRVING:	(chuckle) Yes, we were a 
	desireable catch.

PAUL:	Quite a coup.

	And this is the new technology 
	we keep hearing so much about, 
	the economy of the future.  
	Only thing is Mr. Keough, I 
	don’t see that many people are 
	working here.
	
IRVING:	That’s right and there won’t 
	be!

PAUL:	Oh ... and what is actually 
	going on here?

IRVING:	There’s so much data 
	processing ... I don’t know 
	where to begin -- there’s 
	Revenue Canada overload, 
	employee movement analysis, 
	derivative risk assessment.... 
	oh, this is a fun one; let’s 
	stop in here and do some Data 
	Mining.

PAUL:	Data Mining?

IRVING:	Let’s have a look.

SFX:	AMBIENCE CROSS TO NEW 
INTERIOR.

IRVING:	See we “mine” available banks 
	of data to draw consumer 
	profiles.
	
PAUL:	What use is that?

IRVING:	All large corporations are 
	interested in consumer 
	demographics -- can’t market 
	successfully without it. 
	
PAUL:	I’m not sure I follow.

IRVING:	Well, say Furlong Confections 
	comes up with a new knob, and 
	they’re mounting a marketing 
	campaign.

	We can tell the people at 
	Furlong’s what media their 
	average knob consumers are 
	plugged into.

PAUL:	How can you do that?

IRVING:	By matching the inventory 
	number on a bag of knobs to 
	the direct-withdrawl or credit 
	card used for that purchase.  
	This is matched to a 
	subsequent purchase of a 
	magazine or cable subscription 
	by that same cardholder.


PAUL:	That is frightening.

IRVING:	Let’s make a correlation.  And 
	the results are coming up now.
	
PAUL:	Boy, is that computer ever 
	fast!

IRVING:	It processes at 70 terra 
	flops.  This particular 
	machine has a giga wad of 
	memory.

PAUL:	A giga wad.  Phew.

IRVING:	The correlation is complete.  
	The typical Furlong knob 
	consumer of today reads People 
	Magazine, listens to VOZG--All 
	Zagner FM.

PAUL:	Geez, don’t tell Furlong’s 
	about this.  They’re the 
	sponsors of BCN’s Traffic 
	Alert.

IRVING:	See! They’re wasting good 
	money, inflating the price of 
	knobs, killing the 
	Newfoundland economy. 

PAUL:	I doubt it’s that grave ... 
	oh, look, and they tend to be 
	pro-life and have a penchant 
	for pornography.

IRVING:	We can work this backwards.  I 
	can track your consumer 
	behaviour and see what we 
	might be able to convince you 
	to buy.

PAUL:	Hardly!  I’m no Skinner Pigeon 
	pal.  Try getting at my mind 
	and you’ll be seriously 
	disappointed.

IRVING:	Just give me one of your 
	credit cards.

PAUL:	All I got is Canadian Tire ?

IRVING:	I guess that will work.

	Now, do you want to turn the 
	tape recorder off for a 
	moment?

PAUL:	Why?

IRVING:	This will be a very revealing 
	portrait of you.

PAUL:	I have nothing to hide from my 
	listeners.

SFX:	HARD CUT

IRVING:	--ow legal in California.

PAUL:	That’d be a comfort ... if I 
	was allowed across the border.  
	Man, I can’t believe all that 
	stuff is in there.  I feel 
	violated...again!

IRVING:	Can this be right?  Do you eat 
	this much mustard?

PAUL:	Mustards, Irving.  French and 
	English through Duseldorf and 
	Pommery, I eat a lot of 
	mustards - daily.

IRVING:	And all these footwear 
	purchases.  If we hadn’t met I 
	would have assumed you were an 
	athlete, a runner or 
	something.  Why all the shoes?  
	Are you into hiking?
	
PAUL:	Oh ya, hiking big time.

IRVING:	Hold on!  Women’s shoes?

PAUL:	That’s in there, wow.  Easily 
	explained Irving, they’re for 
	my Mom, where she can’t get 
	out easily, I pick up her 
	shoes for her.

IRVING:	If she “can’t get out”, why 
	does she need so many shoes?

PAUL:	See, this demonstrates the 
	short-comings of your 
	technology.

IRVING:	It doesn’t have any short-
	comings.  Its perfect.

	This program is now generating 
	a profile of you based on your 
	consumer history.  I daresay 
	you’ll find it hasn’t made any 
	mistake.

PAUL:	I’m a hard man to know, 
	Irving.

IRVING:	Really.  Here we are... Are 
	you not a re-covering 
	alcoholic?

PAUL:	Yes.

IRVING:	You once owned several large 
	firearms but this interest 
	appears to have waned.
	
PAUL:	True.

IRVING:	I’d  guess you once resided in 
	Mexico or Guatemala?

PAUL:	Ole!  Guadalajara, Mexico.

IRVING:	Habs fan, eclectic tastes in 
	music running from free jazz 
	to thrash country, criminal 
	record, extrapolates that you 
	haven’t had a long-term sexual 
	relationship in some years, 
	extrapolates tendency to 
	melancholy, possible bi-polar 
	disorder ...

PAUL:	Hey!

IRVING:	Extrapolates reluctance to 
	visit physician, extrapolates 
	poor driving record, 
	extrapolates absent mindedness 
	...
	
PAUL:	Guilty.

IRVING:	Votes Liberal.

PAUL:	AH HA!

IRVING:	No?

PAUL:	I’ve done a lot of things I 
	regret.  I’ve voted for NDP 
	boobs, Natural Law lunatics, 
	and once, just once back when 
	I was drinking, I voted Tory.  
	But I have never, never, ever! 
	voted Liberal.  I still have 
	my dignity!

IRVING:	Must be lonely.

PAUL:	It is.

	Absolutely fascinating.  Thank 
	you, and on behalf of the 
	people of Newfoundland, 
	welcome Infobelt to our 
	economy.  We’re with you.

IRVING:	That’s so kind.

PAUL:	(on fade)  Now, is there any 
	way to... could we, erase that 
	profile.

IRVING:	I wish there was.


Page 12 of 12