GE 1997-8 Season 4 Episode 1: Happy Tightwad
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.

SFX:	Theme up and fades

VOX 1:	Join BCN's Bernard Ayres, this Sunday morning at 6:45, 
	for The Happy Tightwad!

VOX 2:	Record volumes!

VOX 1:	Bullish traders!

VOX 2:	In a Bull Market!

VOX ALL:Bulls...

VOX 1:	Yes the top is going blow as the markets burn red-hot.

VOX 2:	No risk!

VOX 1:	No problem!

VOX 3:	No way.

BERN:	Hello ... I am Bernard Ayres, the Happy Tightwad ... worried 
	about "double witching", "voodoo fund management", the inevitable 
	market meltdown and the evaporation of your pension?

VOX 1:	Buy high!

VOX 2:	Sell short!

VOX 3:	Run!

BERN:	... don't walk, straight to money laundering, Central America's 
	latest win-win profit making scheme!

VOX 1:	Mutual gratification funds!

VOX 2:	Mexican jumping bonds!

VOX 1:	Ever hear of a lubricated instrument?

MACK:	Dno.

MACK2:	(speaking very fast) This offer does not fall under the terms 
	and conditions of coverage provided by the Canadian Deposit Insurance Corporation
BERN:	Go down ... south.

VOX 1:	The Happy Tightwad, only on BCN, Sunday Morning at 6:45!

CK	:	Neither Bernard Ayres nor the Happy Tightwas are official agents 
	for the Newfoundland Stock Exchange.