GE 1997-8 Season 4 Episode 1: Happy Tightwad
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.
SFX: Theme up and fades
VOX 1: Join BCN's Bernard Ayres, this Sunday morning at 6:45,
for The Happy Tightwad!
VOX 2: Record volumes!
VOX 1: Bullish traders!
VOX 2: In a Bull Market!
VOX 1: Yes the top is going blow as the markets burn red-hot.
VOX 2: No risk!
VOX 1: No problem!
VOX 3: No way.
BERN: Hello ... I am Bernard Ayres, the Happy Tightwad ... worried
about "double witching", "voodoo fund management", the inevitable
market meltdown and the evaporation of your pension?
VOX 1: Buy high!
VOX 2: Sell short!
VOX 3: Run!
BERN: ... don't walk, straight to money laundering, Central America's
latest win-win profit making scheme!
VOX 1: Mutual gratification funds!
VOX 2: Mexican jumping bonds!
VOX 1: Ever hear of a lubricated instrument?
MACK2: (speaking very fast) This offer does not fall under the terms
and conditions of coverage provided by the Canadian Deposit Insurance Corporation
BERN: Go down ... south.
VOX 1: The Happy Tightwad, only on BCN, Sunday Morning at 6:45!
CK : Neither Bernard Ayres nor the Happy Tightwas are official agents
for the Newfoundland Stock Exchange.