GE 1997-8 Season 4 Episode 9: Psychic
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.
PAUL: It's all the rage these days -- everyone's got to have their
own personal psychic -- and now I'm getting mine. Miss Betty is
the most fashionable clairvoyant in town at the moment, and she
has kindly agreed to fit me into her tight schedule and even tighter
BETTY: Make yourself comfortable.
PAUL: Oh, excuse me there -- oop -- bet you didn't see that coming.
BETTY: Mock me and I'll put a hex on your head.
PAUL: Sorry. Business is really booming for you, I understand.
BETTY: Oh ya, sure.
PAUL: There's a huge craze for psychics these days.
BETTY: I predicted it.
PAUL: I confess, Miss Betty, that while I've seen some amazing voodoo
zombie work, I remain sceptical about most occult mumbo jumbo.
BETTY: We'll see about that.
PAUL: Now, you're not just a psychic. I hear that you dabble in a
bit of everything.
BETTY: St. John's isn't big enough for occult niche marketing. How
about I give you a general introductory consultation ?
PAUL: A complete physical -- a complete mental.
BETTY: A complete mental, that's funny. O.k., let's start with the cards.
PAUL: Tarot cards?
BETTY: No, hockey cards.
SFX: SOUND OF CARDS SHUFFLING VERY DEXTEROUSLY. CARD TURNS.
PAUL: Great. Hit me.
BETTY: Hmmm. Harold Snepts. That's not good.
PAUL: I liked Snepts -- classy player.
BETTY: And look here, The Turk!
PAUL: I remember, me and Derek, we scored an eight-ball and ...
probably shouldn't talk about that chapter. Perhaps it isn't
in the cards Miss Betty.
BETTY: Gimme your hand.
PAUL: All right.
BETTY: You got some funny lines here, bud.
PAUL: I wish.
BETTY: Let's see your life line.
PAUL: Oooo, that tickles.
BETTY: You're destined for greatness.
PAUL: Really ?
BETTY: No, sorry, you were destined for greatness.
BETTY: Wow, look at this, a passing lane. Let's see ...
Wait a minute, were you dead ?
PAUL: Ya, technically. Back in '89, I flat-lined for a few
minutes but I was resuscitated.
BETTY: Still, that's strange... Your life line goes crazy there,
but then it just disappears for a looooong time, and then it
comes back strong here .
PAUL: That must be where I completely blacked out for a couple of
years back in the early 90's. I was really messed up... well, a
lot of stuff -- and I can't remember a thing.
BETTY: O.k., put your hands over the ball.
PAUL: Now we're talking. The crystal ball.
BETTY: You gotta give the public what they want. O.k., now concentrate.
BETTY: Sit up straight!
PAUL: O.k., o.k.
PAUL: What is it?
PAUL: Can I see that ?
BETTY: Sh! You're going somewhere ...
BETTY: Going up something ... into a dark place... a steamy place...
PAUL: This sounds good.
BETTY: But you are also in great danger.
PAUL: What kind of danger?
BETTY: There's a new power. A dark figure.
BETTY: I don't know. Just be on the lookout.
PAUL: Right, o.k.. Anything from the years I blanked out ?
BETTY: ... there's a ship...
PAUL: The Great Eastern?
BETTY: No, it's a desert ... or a prairie... beams of light ...
an airship... and ... there are strangers examining you with devices...
BETTY: Ya, there's a wee little one, and a great huge one...
PAUL: (breathing hard)
BETTY: ...and you're screaming ...
PAUL: Don't probe me!
BETTY: They're flying you somewhere ....
PAUL: To another planet?
BETTY: No, to ... Tutsing.
PAUL: Tutsing? Where the hell is Tutsing?
BETTY: ...and you're falling through a vast empty space .....
and you're ... I can't see... I'm getting interference....
PAUL: That could be the plate in my head. I've got to know.
I've got to know.
BETTY: 25 dollars.
PAUL: You swindling hag, let me see that ball!
BETTY: O.k., 15 dollars.
PAUL: Out of my way.
SFX: BALL CRASHES.
BETTY: Now you're damned. Damned.
PAUL: Oh, come on, it was an accident.
BETTY: Nevertheless, you're still damned.
PAUL: Well. Fine. Thanks, Miss Betty, for this introduction to
the new face of the occult. I got to admit, you had me going
there for a while.
BETTY: O.k., let's forget about the ball. Think about a ten week
programme. I'll give you a good price.
PAUL: Read my mind.