PAUL:	I am taking this opportunity 
        to announce that I am not 
        seeking the candidacy for any 
        political party in any riding 
        in the province of 
        Newfoundland.

        I will not coast on the 
        threadbare coattails of the 
        present premier, nor will I 
        enter the fray from the 
        opposition side.  Indeed, 
        though some form of socialism 
        haunts my soul, I will not pay 
        attention to the pleas for 
        help from the lonely left-wing 
        party.

        I have been awaiting calls all 
        week from the liberals, the 
        conservatives, the new 
        democrats, calls full of 
        unctuousness, suasion, and 
        when they didn’t work, 
        eventually the coercion and 
        threats of public outing.

        I will say no to them, when 
        they come, as I already have 
        said no to the Parkists, the 
        Original Charter, the Group of 
        52 Irridentists, the Peoples 
        Front for Unpasteurized Cheese 
        - tempting, the United 
        Association of Rural 
        Syndicates, the Free One-Hour 
        Martinizing Co-operative, and 
        the Church of Turpin 
        Pendergast Life Affirmation.

        There has been a rush to the 
        ballot by all manner of self-
        serving wannabe, one-
        dimensional pop-up character, 
        and toady.  Everyone who has 
        ever sought a government 
        handout for their softball 
        league, their theatre company, 
        or their fish farm is throwing 
        themselves into the fray and 
        riding the red tide of liberal 
        popularity.  The place is 
        afloat with bandwagon jumpers 
        and nunnyfudgers.  How 
        unsightly, how transparent, 
        how vain, how cynical, how 
        obscene.

        There’s no mystery why any 
        political party would think of 
        me, my credentials are well-
        known.  I do have experience 
        in the exercise of democracy.  
        Severly exercised during my 
        time with the VietMun at 
        University.  And once, between 
        jobs, and capitalizing on my 
        experience as a canine 
        wrangler, I ran unsuccessfully 
        for the position of Piloto de 
        Perrera in Guadalajara, Mexico 
        - a not insubstantial position 
        with a fabulous uniform and 
        good perks, dogs being a 
        worrisome problem in that city 
        of millions.

        Thankfully, I have not 
        succumbed to the lure of local 
        political sinecures, promises 
        of fecund cabinet posts, 
        offers of liquor store rental 
        agencies, or all the whores I 
        could entertain.

        I’m not a cheap buy.  Because 
        I am not for sale.

        In the absence then of serious 
        consideration by the 
        mainstream parties, and with 
        the evidence of their 
        performance while in elected 
        position, my disillusionment 
        in the democratic process as 
        practiced here in Newfoundland 
        is complete.

        And in conclusion, I have one 
        thing and one thing only to 
        say to the electorate of this 
        province.

        Vote Brisco of Zorbon !

Page 4 of 4	PAULITORIAL - # 20