Season 5: 1998-99
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Sept. 12, 1998 | MP3 (10.2 MB) |
Roll Intro Apologies and Clarifications The Vault Community Announcements What’s That Noise? Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: We begin the season with that always-charming tradition of Apologies and Clarifications (“There is no evidence that the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation has been involved in the genetic engineering of so-called ‘super-hosts’.”) The Vault looks back at the Newfoundland Eugenics Institute (“The first ... batch I guess you’d call them, they had a problem with biting, and well, once they got a taste for human flesh ....”) Wordworks looks at the new omnicurriculum for schools, reviewing Dr. Fausty’s Smell of History, a scratch-‘n-sniff schoolbook (“Don’t be so stuck up Kathleen. Go on, have a whiff.”) Paul goes back to St. Matthews College, where we learn about the peculiar religious order that ran the schools, the Brothers of the Grey Briquet, a “grilling order”. (“They were originally grillers of meat for the Avignon Popes, but when they came back under the influence of Rome, they were tasked with the education of heathens.”). Bonus quote: “Ooo, boy. I love booting up...” | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2 | Sept. 19, 1998 | MP3 (10.2 MB) |
Roll Intro Moth Genealogy Party Line Promo What's That's Noise? Calling Erling Programming Highlights Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: Paul’s genealogical quest continues with a visit with genealogist Olive Barrett, where we discover the curious history of Jan Pietr Moth of Ucker (of whom we have a portrait), and hear the voice of Paul’s Great-Grandfather Henrik Moth reciting the tale of the Crofter’s Rebellion. This is probably the most elaborate set up for a punch line ever on radio, starting with Paul’s new interest in his roots back in Season Four and ending with the final line from the Crofter’s Rebellion: “A curse upon you, Moth of Ucker!” Next, Paul calls Erling, now halfway through his stint manning the lonely BCN repeater station on the Funk Islands — more setup for the Funk Islands show which is three weeks away. Also, a dandy Political Panel where J. Richard just can’t hold his tongue... | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 3 | Sept. 26, 1998 | MP3 (10.2 MB) |
Roll Interview with Paul Moth |
| Notes: A full documentary on the BCN from US Public Radio’s American Wavelength. Bob Pelletier goes through historical clips with Ish Lundrigan, and interviews Morris Jesso and Paul Moth. Brings together some great Vault pieces we've heard before, like Salty Tales, the Carnage at the Buoys and Ron Gellately cheering the surrender of St. John’s to the Nazis. This show merited it’s own page at the time. The script for the Paul Moth interview is only partial. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 4 | Oct. 3, 1998 | MP3 (9.2 MB) |
Roll Intro What's That Noise Programming Highlights Closing the Cabin Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: On Wordworks, a look at the Blue Bone, a novel told strictly from the point of view of dogs. (“...and the Blue Bone of the title...nothing filthy is it?”) BCN Systems Manager Blaine Hart shows Paul the new “content gates” installed on the network to prevent the viewing of smut. (“Just go to my bookmarks and try ‘In the Feet of the Night'...Ooooh, look at that...clogs.”) This is where we hear about Paul’s decision to sell the perpetual rights to his image to Coco Cabrera. Finally, Paul closes up the cabin in a piece rebroadcast from season four. The first couple of minutes from the tape is missing. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 5 | Oct. 10, 1998 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Intro What's That Noise? Community Announcements Fashion Report Geoffrey Sinclair Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: A history of the Funk Islands Repeater Station in The Vault: Here Come the 40’s!. (“The repeater itself is a battery—400,000 watts—60 tons of mercury and 12,000 gallons of sulfuric acid.”) Plus Lawrence Royce-Hiscock on the new North Atlantic collection (“VOGUE: I don't know what I’m telling you this for. You're nobody. LARRY: My god, you are perfect!”) and hockey talk with Tracey Babstock, host of BCN’s Jock and Jill (“Maxy was having a terrible training camp, and then he had the blade of a stick driven through his cranium...and it punctured the part of the brain that controls aggression. And he’s been tearing up the league ever since”). Also, fundraising for spoiled children: “I can’t stand taking instruction; I’m petulant and lazy; it's debilitating.” | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 6 | Oct. 17, 1998 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Complete Script PDF Script |
| Notes: The remarkable Funk Island episode, one of my all-time favourites. Paul makes the dangerous journey to the Funk Island Repeater Station to check on Erling, who has reportedly gone mad. We meet the fish ranching Cartwright Family (“You got a hankering to head on up there, I won’t stand in your way”), salty captain Gerald Kean (“A rundel, sure tis only 1 and 3 sixteenths of a pipe”) and a talking parrot (“Don’t probe me!”). Then there’s 40,000 watts of direct current playing havoc with your extremities.... This show warranted its own page when it first aired. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | Oct. 24, 1998 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Intro What's That Noise? Community Announcements Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: In The Vault, classic tape from 1959: Ron Gellately’s Boil Up, broadcast from a cabin in the woods: (“It’s me now...and Wilbur the Monkey.”) On Wordworks, What Do Men Want? According to Paul, “More a.m. loving...and more gravy,” and Nicholas Murphkin, the Newfoundlander who lived his life as a Russian novelist. (“He took to gambling ... tormented by crippling bunions and corns...caring for his drunken brother’s enormous family...”) And Paul brings the antique dealer to Moth Manor and possibly to the Holy Grail. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 8 | Oct. 31, 1998 | MP3 (10.1 MB) |
Roll Intro Interred Promo What's That Noise? Community Announcements Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: It’s Halloween at the BCN and strange things are happening. Paul enters the Vault only to find ... no sign of Ish, some tape playing backwards, and the walled-in remains of the BCN Band (“OK, so they weren’t that great a band...but that's harsh criticism indeed.”) Paul visits an archaeological dig in the middle of the city (“PAUL: Look at this here...an application form. This office must have been a government arts granting agency. ARCHAEOLOGIST: Grants? For artists?”) On the Political Panel, Ariel approves of Joe Clark as the new Tory leader (J. Richard: “You are just so attractive when you talk sense like that.”) Listen at the end for a very strange Traffic Alert and a surprise for Paul... | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | Nov. 7, 1998 | MP3 (10.1 MB) |
Roll Intro Complete Script Community Announcements What's That Noise? Iceland Report Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: Repeat of the Moose Hunting episode from Season 4 (Oct. 18, 1997). New intro, noise and Paulitorial. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 10 | Nov. 14, 1998 | MP3 (6.7 MB) |
Roll Intro Avril Community Announcements |
| Notes: The Listeners’ Letters Show, in toto. Paul’s appearance on Front Page Challenge (“What about your dirty book, Pierre?”), the obsession with feminine footwear (“Isn’t everyone attracted to a pleasant pump?”), Bill Cameron as the Agency’s man in Guadalajara, and what’s the story with Paul and Avril Benoit? More details and clips on the Listeners’ Letters Page. Plus a rousing Uncle Jack promo. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 11 | Nov. 21, 1998 | MP3 (7.5 MB) |
Roll Intro The Vault Programming Highlights What's That Noise? Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: In The Vault, Ish plays tape of Telephony, the early crank call-cum-theatre of cruelty radio show. (“Is that all you got to say to your old pal, Marty Borman?”) Also, a feature interview with those lovable comedy dolts John Marshall and Vladoblad Ragdalhoolick. (“Our humour is crafted with the laugh track in mind.”) Great Paul/Ish banter in the Vault: “PAUL: Ish, am I right, there ? Do you think going back in time is a 'narrowing' of existence or a broadening of it? ISH: I don't know what you're talking about, boy.” The first couple of minutes of the tape are missing. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 12 | Nov. 28, 1998 | MP3 (10.1 MB) |
Roll Intro Tracy Babstock Community Announcements What's That Noise? Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: Mr. Hair is the feature piece this week, as Paul visits the world-renowned haristylist to get hs back, shoulders and neck done. (See photo of Mack to help visualize this....) Along the way he sees Courtney Love (“You killed Kurt!!”) gets examined by a Mr. Hair acolyte (“NATALIA: You’ve got hairy palms... PAUL: That, well, I can’t help myself...”) and decides on “The Hurley” with a lateral part (“The Man of Aran, she called it.”) Also, check out the riotous sports roundup with Tracy Babstock (“Oh yeah! Orv Gommel, mountain of a man, very, very serious problems with aggression, he — well this isn't funny — but he sexually assaulted Budge Doyle's Chevy Blazer last year.”) It is funny. On the political panel, J. Richard is now advising the PMO on environmental issues (“Just last week, Paul Martin rescued a beaver.”) Great show. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 13 | Dec. 5, 1998 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Complete Script |
| Notes: Repeat of the Love Blister episode from season four. Details on the season four page... | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 14 | Dec. 12, 1998 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Intro Iceland Report What’s That Noise? Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: On Wordworks, Christmas children’s books are reviewed. (“I don’t think they need to be prepared for cannibal zombies sucking the eyes out of their still living victims.”) Paul visits the Christmas Craft Fair, where there’s hand carved old Newfoundland sex toys made from birch and maple. (“This is an old Jack-a-juicer from the Stephenville area and here’s a Spinster Paddle from Exploits....”) Plus a year-end trend review with Geraldine and Larry (“Oh for it to be 1995 again.”) And Paul gets advice on how to party in Toronto (“GERALDINE: Try to look disaffected. LRH: Yes you always look far to interested in things, Paul...”) | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 15 | Dec. 19, 1998 | MP3 (10.1 MB) |
Roll Aunt Betty |
| Notes: A Christmas disk-spin show. Paul stays sober at the BCN Christmas Party (“Remaining sober while around me my workmates descend into a state of exorbitant intoxication leaves me feeling that those with whom I spend most of my waking life are morons.”) He recalls his stage debut as the back half of a Christmas donkey (“...my shame revealed to the entire auditorium.”) Paul’s “Tackaberry Deak” is revealed as the ultimate in sibling cruelty, and finally, the touching story of Aunt Betty’s Chocolates. These tales are also available on a Christmas Tales page. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 16 | Dec. 26, 1998 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Complete Script |
| Notes: Carlos, Duke of Portugal. Repeat from Season 3, Dec. 28, 1996. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 17 | Jan. 2, 1999 | MP3 (10.1 MB) |
Roll John and Yoko Shirley |
| Notes: More Christmas tales. Paul encounters ecclesiastical rebel Brother Martin (“Our tender young minds and bodies were marinated in dogma, and grilled above the brimstone of hell's pit for eleven years until done, then served up to the world”); a brush with Glen Gould at the All Canada Future of Broadcasting Conference. And we have scripts for two of my favourite tales: Paul’s ill-fated reunion with Shirley Jones in Mexico (“Suddenly, I’d found a handgun, got into a racket with Johnny Weismuller and then was called to the end of the bar, where Coco Cabrera awaited with a business opportunity”), and the encounter with John and Yoko at the Bed-in in Montreal (“that's me on spoons in the left channel.”) | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 18 | Jan. 2, 1999 | MP3 (10.1 MB) | Roll |
| Notes: The magnificent Bullseye Mystery Theatre, BCN wartime drama, featuring Elmer Collins, Ham Operator. The production is a dead-on impersonation of 1940’s radio serials, from the bombastic orchestra to the paper shuffling and flubbed lines. Probably has the highest double-entendre count-per-minute of any broadcast program, save perhaps Benny Hill. “ELMER: And remember, loose lips sink ships. BONNIE: Is that what they do, Elmer? EL: Yes, they sink ships. BON: Big ships?” Steve Palmer is Elmer Collins. Mack Furlong is Colonel Blithers (“BLITHERS: What say I take you round the back way? ELMER: I'm afraid I'm not up on your old Cambridge traditions, sir.”) Priceless. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 19 | Jan. 16, 1999 | MP3 (9.9 MB) |
Roll Intro What’s That Noise? Programming Highlights Paulitorial |
| Notes: Traffic Czar Carl Piercey is the feature interview this week, and there are usual dead-on digs at deadly academic jargon: “My early research was on the Anglo-German debate between expressism and arterialism. More recently I was working toward a unified theory of traffic....it’s a post-junctionist poetics really.” Theatre books are reviewed on Wordworks, and Paul searches in vain for any reference to his own plays Country Matters and Cul-de-Sac. Plus Lawrence Royce-Hiscock’s latest Fashion Report: “You are a simple designer – maybe the simplest ever – but is this too simple?” Also, an always-welcome Uncle Jack Promo (“Let ‘em ‘ave it, kids!”) | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 20 | Jan. 23, 1999 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Intro What's That Noise? Community Announcements Paulitorial |
| Notes: Paul’s interview with Gertrude Marchand, editor of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Stupidity. Includes the classic line “Most ailments can be detected using only a hand-mirror and a funnel.” Defines Belligero-idiofacy, and, by my reckoning, the first appearance by radio-executive dunderhead Arthur Ross (“Just tremendous!”) Also a political panel on the Newfoundland election (“Stop tormenting me you harridan!”) and The People’s Front for Unpasteurized Cheese... | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 21 | Jan. 30, 1999 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Intro What's That Noise? Programming Highlights Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: A Confederation-era Vault, wherein Ron Gellately discusses Quebec: “A brawny, fertile, Roman Catholic people, where families of 15 and 20 not uncommon, this Roman Catholic race of lusty farmhands is bursting its territorial borders.” Plus television critic Nick Mustelet on Newfoundland media domination, and Paul’s interview with young indie radio host Ellie Warren: “How would you like to have sex with me, Ellie?” | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 22 | Feb. 6, 1999 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll Intro What's That Noise? Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: Financial Advisor Owen Peddle gives Paul advice for RRSP season. (“Bernard Ayers’ Beyond Good and Evil Group of Funds...you’ve heard of ethical finds? These they ain’t.”) Listen for the sly reference to Under the Volcano when Paul phones the Mexican Screenwriter’s Guild to inquire about his pension fund (“No No! This is the Cantina El Faralito, señor.”) Paul gets a tour of the erotic art from the collection of Sir Freeman Crotty. (“The Macedonians were known for their fine rim work.”) J. Richard Candow reports from the World Economic Forum, “...the high prestige geo-pol circle jerk held annually in ultra-pricey Davos, Switzerland.” Ish interrupts the Paulitorial to “address the country on a matter of great importance.” (PAUL: “Oh, dear god, they've landed, haven't they.”) Great Show. | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 23 | Feb. 13, 1999 | MP3 (10 MB) |
Roll Partial Script |
| Notes: Roger Greeley, Gander’s Man of Song, as it went to air. We also have a version that is nine minutes longer — too long for radio — on the Roger Greeley page. “A fixture in the community, reminding everyone that dogged determination, the will to soldier on in the face of often withering criticism, the ability to accept...reality, I guess...” | |||
| Airdates |
|---|
| Feb. 20 - April 3, 1999 |
| Notes: There were no new episodes during this period of the CBC strike (seven weeks). On February 20, the Season three BCN Coal Stokers Strike episode was aired. After that, I have nothing in my notes; the weeks were filled with raw repeats without added bits. I know that one of the episodes that had been planned for this period was Paul’s vacation in Cancan, for which we only have a script. This is alluded to during Wordworks in the next episode... |
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 24 | April 10, 1999 | MP3 (6.5 MB) |
Roll What's That Noise? Programming Highlights Paulitorial |
| Notes: Back on the air after a long strike. On Wordworks, the Tough Guide to the Caribbean in which Paul succumbs to pepper machismo, and Sunworshipers, about the Sisters of Eternal Surrender (“They’re gospel was to deny no petitioner’s request.”) Plus Paul’s interview with Kirby Garland, winner of the Silver Shill Award for talking soda bubbles. (“No, bye I’m getting nothing...not gettin’ a buzz at all. Are you trying to rip me off Kirby, ‘cause if you are....”) Also, on the political panel: “Just for my own purposes Ariel, could I refer to you as the Queen of Denmark?” | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 25 | April 17, 1999 | MP3 (10.1 MB) |
Roll Intro Community Announcements What's That Noise? Outro |
| Notes: Paul gets gardening tips for Moth Manor (“That’s probably the infected human tissue dump...”) An interview with Ambrose Sands, TV producer, currently developing Bum Bomb (“We’ve gotten rid of the packing and gone straight for the prize. It’s a show about bums and bombs going off.”) Plus Paul tours an exhibition on the Discovery of Newfoundland (“He not only discovered that Newfoundland was an island but produced the first Newfoundland salami...”) BONUS: the garden bit contains the Guy Shouting At Paul and a “Stop Hounding Me....” | |||
| Show # | Airdate | Files | Text |
|---|---|---|---|
| 26 | April 24, 1999 | MP3 (10.1 MB) |
Roll Intro What's That Noise? Programming Highlights Paulitorial Outro |
| Notes: The final episode of The Great Eastern. We hear a truly bizarre Vault-within-a-Vault, as Ish plays tape of an old Vault with Ron Gellately, in which Dolly falls into a Troll’s Hole. Paul visits the Ferryland Archaeological dig to talk with Professor Ian Trumbull (“Well let’s hope that it puts forever to rest the widely-held belief that you’re nothing but a complete and utter fraud and charalatan.“) Paul’s final Paulitorial is wistful and appropriately smutty: “I have not...and will not...forget you. I’m wearing something of yours now, (sniff) just to remember you by, until we meet again.” BONUS: Rex Finis Mundi, an unfinished script - the second Ned Murrin play after Carlos, Duke of Portugal. Referenced in this episode and quoted in brief when Paul and Trumbull read from the script. | |||