While the show was still running, only a few audio clips were made available, which we keep here. Complete shows have since been added -- gp.
From GE April 24, 1999:
"Down, down, down..." An extraordinary pre-post-modern, multiple-recursion Vault, in which the listener goes down into the Vault, then down into the Vault again, and from there in to a Troll's Hole. Must be heard.
"Let's hope it put forever to rest the widely-held belief that you are a complete and utter fraud and charlatan." Paul interviews Professor Ian Trumbull on new discoveries at the Ferryland archaeological site.
"Budge...I seen 'im leave the hotel with a wheel of cheese and an axle jack..." Join Budge Doyle for the Party Line, right here on the BCN.
"I have not...and I will not forget you. Actually, I'm wearing something of yours now." Paul bids farewell to Canadian listeners.
"...this is station VONF..." The Great Eastern end of season sign-off, with a bonus from Purity Factories.
From GE April 17, 1999:
"We've gotten rid of the packing and gone straight to the prize. It's a show about bums and bombs going off..." Paul talks to Ambrose Sands, hotshot Newfoundland television producer responsible for such hits as Canada's Greatest Abuses of Police Power, and Ontario's Worst Dentists, profiting, as Paul says, "from the destruction of human imagination."
"Hey, they just completed the Great Mosque at Cordoba — Why so glum?" University of the Air tackles the Y1K problem.
"The island has not yet been circumnavigated...every person to attempt the journey has fallen victim to...distraction. Paul visits Up the Harbour — Down the Shore, an exhibition on Newfoundland exploration and settlement.
"Long distance love affairs require maintenance that, frankly, neither of us was up to." Paul explains what happened to the romance with CBC's Avril Benoit.
From GE April 10, 1999:
Paul's complete interview with Kirby Garland, winner of the Silver Shill award for marketing excellence for the second year in a row. Kirby's triumph was the talking soda pop bubble. Paul tries a Furlong's Lime Wizard: "No bye, getting nothing. Not getting a buzz at all. Are you tryin' to rip me off Kirby 'cause if you are...Sorry, old habits, ya know..."
"...and ravishing as usual. I can say that now what the advances made by Allie MacBeal and Annie Sprinkle, right?" "Yes, you can." "Just for my own purposes Ariel, could I refer to you as the Queen of Denmark?" "No, you can't". An especially tasty political panel, wherein Paul tests Ariel's patience, the BCN's presence on the CBC is explained, and Rex Murphy's hair is discussed:
AF: "Rex has set back Newfoundland hair decades..."
JRC: "The dufus do isn't helping his case..."
We haven't put nearly enough of Paul's monologues here on the web. This weeks--on his 50th birthday and the 50th anniversary of Confederation — is a particularly good one: "We are ever the butt of hoaxes, jokes and jibes, the cruelest being this so-called Confederation. Yes, we are a gentle people, given over to much-heralded revelry, poetic tendencies, and artful dodging. But you don't rile a standoffish cat. We know your weak spots. We are insuperable and unrelenting. And we will have our revenge. Once more into the breach dear friends, once more. Or close the wall up with our dead. The party is over. The sun is up. It's a new day."
From GE February 20, 1999:
"...the traditionally passive and cooperative Newfoundland working man has been moved to protest by the Bolshie agitations of Welshman Arthur 'Blackie' Thomas". A treat from the Vault. Carl Pilgrim reports on the '59 Coal Stoker's strike. The strike was crushed by Premier Smallwood with help from the Pinkertons.
From GE February 6, 1999:
"...and these are the kinds of things one wouldn't want to say on the public airwaves usually...here goes...". Ish interrupts Paul's great revelation to announce...the 3000th show celebration of the Great Eastern, not to mention the 100th episode on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.
"Jane Fonda is there?"
"No it's a lookalike...a prostitute...There are Al Gore lookalikes, Bill Gates lookalikes..."
J. Richard Candow reports from the World Economic Forum, "...the high prestige geo-pol circle jerk held annually in ultra-pricey Davos, Switzerland."
"There's Bernard Ayres Beyond Good and Evil Group of Funds. But, uh...you've heard of ethical funds? These they ain't." Financial Advisor Owen Peddle gives Paul advice for RRSP season.
"I've never seen that wrestling hold before. Definitely from the Greco half of the book, eh?"
"I said they were wrestlers. I didn't say they were wrestling...A lovely piece. The Macedonians were known for their fine rim work."
Paul gets a tour of the erotic sculpture from the collection of Sir Freeman Crotty.
From GE January 30, 1999:
Paul Interviews Nick Mustelet, television critic for the St. John's Daily Telegraph on the preponderance of Newfoundlanders and Newfoundland television programs on the national airwaves, to the detriment of information about Central Canada and the United States. There's a "...preoccupation with Newfoundland subject matter. You've got NFPD Blue, Southside Hills A1E 1A7, Beers, there's Baywatch, Ally McStreal, E- Har..."
"A brawny, fertile, Roman Catholic people, where families of 15 and 20 are not uncommon. The Roman Catholic race of lusty farmhands is bursting its territorial borders. Ron Gellately's Closeup on Confederation reveals a bias against our friends to the west. From the spring of 1948 In the Vault.
"It's futile minister...the door to show trial is locked...from the outside."
"Please don't tell my wife!"
Host Ariel Flint goes for the jugular in Show Trial.
"It's completely unfair of those trying to close down the station to use me as some sort of negative example." Paul on threats to shut down Memorial University's campus radio station.
From GE January 23, 1999:
"No Paul. Eating an artificial fire log is stupid."
The complete interview with Dr. Gertrude Marchand, editor of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Stupidity.
Paul Moth: "Hustler is...degrading..."
Carl Johnson: "Ever read the Red Book?"
The political panel talks dirty politics. Also contains the exchange:
CJ: "I read Modern Philologist for my thrills..."
PM: "Is that the Danish one?"
From GE January 16, 1999:
From Wordworks, with Kathleen Hanrahan, a discussion of Evelyn Bradley-Meade, the "leading theatrical twit of his time..."
KH: "Yes with his trademark 9-iron, a prop he used to, uh, great effect..."
PM: "'Up the bum eh, wha...extraordinary...!'"
Bradley-Meade, who played Colonel Blithers in "Fudge on the Fritz" was featured in last week's GE web.
And always a fan favourite, Lawrence Royce-Hiscock weighs in with his occasional fashion reports. This week: German conceptual designer Arc Welder:
LRH: "You are a simple designer, maybe the simplest ever. But is this too simple?"
AW: "My goal has always been to make an absolutely pure statement, so this is perfect."
LRH: "Just the logo, nothing else."
AW: "Ya, just the label."
LRH: "Designer nothing."
AW: "Designer nothing."
LRH: "I'm speechless."
From GE January 9, 1999:
"Let me take you 'round the back way."
"I'm afraid I'm not up on your Cambridge traditions, sir..."
Elmer misunderstands Colonel Blithers.
"I'll get to the bottom of this, or my name isn't...Elmer...Coll....."
Ah the magic of live radio. The actors flub their lines on the air.
"Let's just hope professor Fudge hasn't teamed up with Adolph Shickelgruber and his Nazi Nogoodburgers. Or it will be a long way to Tipperary. A long long long long way." Also contains the memorable exchange:
"And remember, loose lips sink ships."
"Is that what they do Elmer?"
"The girls in Vichy, are dishy and love to kissy-kissy..."
Elmer and Bonnie disguised as Nazi Entertainers Pierre and Claire, dish out vaudeville, Vichy-style.
"In regulation khaki, mufti and navy ribbed..."
A public service announcement for Private Hygiene for Men from Furlongs.
GE January 2, 1999:
Complete audio from GE Jan. 2 can be found on the stories page.
GE December 19, 1998
Complete audio from GE Dec. 19 can be found on the Christmas stories page.
GE November 28, 1998
"The confidence this gives me Natalia...I'm buoyed. I really am. I feel that I don't want to wear a shirt."
Paul gets the full back, shoulders and neck treatment at Mr. Hair.
GE November 21, 1998
"Go on b'ye. Nobody took it seriously. If you had a funny name you were an open target
in those days."
Ish Lundrigan explaining Telephony, the early BCN crank call show. All three excerpts from the program are here.
"We run a laugh track in the office. We run all our material past it...to check the timing."
Paul interviews the proprietors of Executive Comedy.
GE November 14, 1998
Tons of audio from the Listeners' Letters episode can be found here.
GE November 7, 1998
Extensive audio from the moose-hunting episode can be found here.
GE October 31, 1998
"...Skeletons of the band members. They must have been walled in alive.
OK, so they weren't that good a band...but that's harsh criticism indeed..."
Paul falls through the Vault into the old BCN Big Band Bunkhouse.
"Erling?...Erling?...What the hell is going on around here today..." A Traffic Alert
"Halloween is the perfect time of year to introduce young persons to issues
surrounding death and the dying." Morris Jesso promo for a special edition of
Interred entitled "Someday Scooter, You'll be Dead too."
"I think if you review your history Ariel Flint, you'll find that many
of those free thinkers and students...disappeared." J. Richard Candow disputes Ariel
Flint's assertion that Augusto Pinochet killed thousands. A complete political panel.
GE October 24, 1998
From Boil Up in 1959, Ron Gellately, broadcasting from Famish Gut, er...loses it...
"Day after day, week after week...making a public spectacle of myself... It's me now...and Wilber the monkey."
Real Audio "...And here's the dacha near Twillingate."
Paul and Kathleen Hanrahan discuss the new biography of Nicholas Murphkin, the Newfoundlander who lived his life as a Russian novelist. Real Audio
GE October 17, 1998
Extensive audio from the Funk Islands Episode can be found here.
GE October 10, 1998
In the Vault, Ish Lundrigan gives us some background to the opening of the BCN Funk Island's
Repeater Station, in preparation for Paul's trip. From Here Come the 40's:
"The repeater itself is a battery — 400,000 watts — 60 tons of mercury and 12,000 gallons of sulfuric acid. Guaranteed to run until the year 2000. The metal tower is built in a wooden matrix that also serves as the futtocks in the superstructure of a mammoth barge...."
Lawrence Royce-Hiscock on the new North Atlantic Collection. BCN's fashion reporter covers "a show that combined infantile self-indulgence with a mature anorexic narcissism..." amidst "The usual crush of imbeciles and bimbos..."
Quick clip bonus: Tracey Babstock, host of BCN's Jock and Jill, on the career of Maxy Chubbs, picked dead last in the amateur draft by the Toronto Maple Leafs:
"Maxy was having a terrible training camp, and then he had the blade of a stick driven through his cranium and it punctured the part of the brain that controls aggression and he's been tearin' up the league ever since..."
WAV file: 152 K
GE October 3, 1998
Paul and Kathleen Hanrahan discuss the new novel by
Deborah Kearney: The Blue Bone
Kathleen: "Kearney doesn't anthropomorphise the dogs. They speak and think like dogs, not people."
Paul: "How would she know? I mean, I had a dog once and from strictly empirical observation his thinking would go,'I'm hungry...must scratch that...wonder how the balls are doing? ...slurp slurp..."
Kathleen: "Just let me read from the book Paul."
Paul: *Pant pant...*
Paul's talks tech with BCN Systems guy (and your webmeister) Blaine Hart, and is introduced to new
technologies that block unsavory content from your browser....
Blaine: "Let's try to find an un savoury site."
Paul: Just go to my bookmarks and try 'In the Feet of the Night'...ooohh. Look at that. Clogs. Wait. waitwatiwaiiiit!
Blaine: "See. Locked out. The gate's closed."
Paul: "Fascinating. You can disable that now Blaine."
Blaine: "I'm not allowed actually. I'm supposed to keep them installed on all the machines. Ish's orders."
Paul: "Big Brother. Now what did I just finish telling you?"
Blaine: "It's a productivity issue."
Paul: "Sure it is. This is public radio pal."
GE September 26, 1998
More details on the American Wavelength page.
Igniting the coal-fired generator.
"I almost expect to see giant vacuum tubes..."
generator.mp3 310 K
A King's Ransom
"... fifty two British thermal units is to grouse hunting as Sydney, Australia is to what famous star of the London Stage...."
kings_ransom.mp3 247 K
"Twenty years ago, I shipped out of Jamaica with a load of hemp and rum...and sailed to the West Coast of deepest, darkest Africa, where I saw a man eat the living brains out of another man..."
lloyd_duncan2.mp3 206 K
"And so, until next time...if we live to see it, I am Morris Jesso."
morris_jesso.mp3 417 K
St. John's surrenders to the Germans
"A great big warm Newfoundland Heil Hitler..."
ron_gellately.mp3 211 K
GE September 19, 1998
"Exterminate the Brutes"
J. Richard Candow on means for dealing with unruly APEC protesters.
GE September 12, 1998
The Newfoundland Eugenics Institute
A Winston Pilgrim report from 1959, from the Vault.
Ish: "The first batch...had a problem with biting, and well, once they got a taste for human flesh..."
Uncle Jack's Shack
"Now today class, we're going to snare...a moose."
Dr. Fousty's Smell of History
Kathleen Hanrahan brings in the new scratch 'n sniff curriculum.
"Pipe tobacco...pickled meat...this is good. Oh...gangrene...smell..."
"Yuck, no...Paul, get that away from me..."
"Don't be so stuck up Kathleen. Go on. Have a whiff."
The Brothers of the Grey Briquet
Paul visits his alma mater, St. Matthew's College.
"It was run by a little known sect, wasn't it?"
"Yes, the Brazier Order. The Brothers of the Grey Briquet. They're a grilling congregation."
"A grilling order..."
"They were originally grillers of meat for the Avignon popes. But when they came back under the influence of Rome, they were tasked with the education of heathens. But because of their origins in grilling they were excused from the encomium to eat fish on Friday."
"You ate meat on Friday?"
"Well, it looked like meat"
GE March 14, 1998
"Go in there and strip. Put your clothes in this bag and someone will see you...whenever."
"That's a big syringe."
"You think that's a big syringe...what about this one?"
Paul, AKA "Mrs. Murphy" finally gets looked at by an intern.
"This is hexogarbonzabean. It'll put you to sleep."
"Sixty mils! Hah! I used to take that much just to get out of bed in the morning..."
GE March 7, 1998
Special: the complete "Elmer Collins: Ham Operator" clip from Bullseye Mystery Theatre.
Classic radio from the BCN!
GE Feb. 21, 1998
"All you English people drink too much, don't you..."
AIF file: 95k
Ned Brocklehurst, the performance artist who, in his final piece, had his cerebral cortex removed. It was, says Paul, "the very greatest thing I have ever seen."
GE 7 Feb. 1998
Maria bello this morgen...
Archive tape of the Universal Public Broadcasting Language — Electrosprach.
"What is it with Budge, eh?"
"Budge Doyle is a knob, Paul..."
AIF file: 53 K
GE 24 Jan. 1998
"It's futile Mr. Coady, the door to Show Trial is locked...from the outside...!"
The Guy Gap
Ger Caddigan and Bill Murphy put to rest the rumour that there's a guy gap in St. John's. "Get out of bed in the morning...sure I'm still drunk in the morning! And then they complain about that!"
The North Atlantic Collection
The wreckage piled up on the runways of the Hotel Palmer Hotel for the new North Atlantic Collection. Join Lawrence Royce-Hiscock for the latest from the world of fashion. "Well...mercy, that is short."
BONUS: A quick clip from Paul on a radio rival: "I don't mean to disparage my competition, but Harvey McCarthy is a moron, a gobshite and a mental invalid. How did he ever win last time?"
AIF file 103k
GE 31 Jan. 1998
The best "Weather and Traffic Update" award from the Marconi Awards — BCN's only trophy. Presented by Lister Sinclair.
Roger Greeley's song stylings from the awards show, with a special appearance by the BCN
Coal Stoker's Choir.
GE 17 Jan. 1998
On the Jan. 17 show Paul recalls his stay in Paris, after escaping from the debacle at Oougoubomba. Here's a clip from his stop at the Museum of the Revolution, where he gets up close and personal with...a guillotine:
The Game of Love
And here's a clip from Paul's first date in years. "I remember when a coke, a smoke and a puff bar would win you at least a little tongue.... These days, even supper doesn't get you anywhere in the game of love..."
GE 15 Nov. 1997
The Tapas bars of Spain. "I confess...I love the dish!"
Carry On Up The Bomba
From The Vault: a very young Carry On gang entertaining the troops in Oougubomba in 1946.
The fall of Bebopalulah
Also from The Vault: Arch Pilgrim narrates the end of Newfoundland's colonial experience in Oougubomba. "Good intentions, but...things fall apart..."
Giant Sizzler Worms
Paul gets the lowdown on Oougubomba's less pleasant aspects.
GE 8 Nov. 1997
What about the Great Eastern Canada doesn't get?
Good question. Paul and Erling provide the answer.
Hey Warden, audit...THIS!
Uncle Jack is back. And Warden Coombs is in hot pursuit.
íVamose Pepito Vamose!
Excerpt from one of Paul's famous Pepito El Grande movies.
Wing Cmdr. Berkeley Regular promotes the program. "There's dust up your crack...!"
GE 1 Nov. 1997
Sunday night at 7 on the BCN: "Did I say that already?"
Paul gets his palm read
"We're you dead?"
"Back in '89, I flatlined for a few minutes..."
(Includes "probing" flashback....)
"Past your best-before date?" Morris Jesso promotes the most popular show on BCN.
GE 25 Oct. 1997
A one-hit wonder
Paul's spelling triumph in Birmingham, England.
With Brendan Hennebury and Donny Tucker. "You're supposed to say Thursday you tool!"
GE 18 Oct. 1997
Before the hunt
Paul Moth, Bill Murphy, Gerry Cadigan and Farley Monk prepare for the moose hunt. Includes a tour of Paul's extensive gun collection, and an explanation of the need for frozen moose genitals.
A change of pants
The boys come across moose signs with explosive results.
"This week, sample me with the cookings of Iceland." Bjarni Gudmundson talks.
The boys, lost, find Ron Gellately's old cabin, complete with John Franklin Beans, and some very old bottles of dark rum....
"Don't probe me...!"
The beans bring back bad memories for Paul.
AIF file 114K
The rum brings out Bill's moose call, and more...
AIF file 193K
GE 11 Oct. 1997
University of the "Hair"
"Bouffon today, pouf tomorrow?"
Excerpt from profile of Hugh Kuva. Paul: "We had a mutual dea...acquaintance..."
With Wng. Cmdr. Berkely Regular.
GE 27 Sept. 1997
Enter the Conkerbell Lodge
Members of the lodge make a grand entrance at the wake of Sir Freeman Crotty, Commissioner of Broadcasting for Newfoundland.
Lloyd Duncan arrives
Captain Lloyd arrives at the wake, causing great mayhem. Special appearance by Morris Jesso.
Uncle Jack's Shack
"...Come on Esau...give your Uncle Jack a kidney..."
"Birds flying in front of the signal would drop from the sky fully cooked."
Ish lundrigan on the wartime transmitter.
AIF file 33K
"I think the plate in my head's got nickel in it."
The political panel discusses Voisey's Bay
AIF file 98K
"I dunno...a case of Pepsi and a dime of black hash?"
J. Richard Candow's constitutional offer to Quebec.
AIF file 54K
GE 20 Sept. 1997
"It's one taste sensation after another..." Promo for Chef Paul Benoit's show.
"Noxious societal excreta..."
Delbert Onglow's "This Can't Be Happening to Me..."
Featured on the BCN Concert Series
"Our design guy...is from the remote layout school, so that's intentional."
A complete piece from Lawrence Royce-Hiscock reporting from Iceland. "The girls are so fabulously gaunt...and such pallor..."
GE 13 Sept. 1997
University of the Air
Promo for the popular weekday program.
Two back-to-back ads for Sailor's Tobacco, one from 1950, another contemporary ad for Sailor's Cadets.
GE 6 Sept. 1997
The visionary architecture of Rodney "Duff" Wheeler. (Book review with Kathleen Hanrahan). Duff Wheeler's rendering of the Coal-fired transmitter is available in the archives.
The Happy Tightwad
"Ever hear of a lubricated instrument?" Bernard Ayre's program promo.
Christian Women's Hour
"It's a Godless future for the children of Newfoundland." Promo for the Christian Women's Hour on BCN.
"Fried, baked, or boiled, it's always delicious at Variety Meats." Promo for Variety Meats on BCN.
Paul: "She was throwin' heat, with a lot of movement on it.
All I heard was the sound of the ball in the glove...."
AIF file 122K
Paul: "Look, once and alcoholic, junkie, sedative, hypnotic transhallucinogen, cokehead,
AIF file 172K
"You're listening to the Broadcasting Corporation of Newfoundland..."
WAV file: 60 K
15 March, 1997
"I've always been perplexed by the mind that is amused by objects that are extremely large or extremely small"
"I'm not gonna say anything now."
AIF file 101 K
"Knees going? FInding your back? Prostate inflamed? Yes, though they are having trouble accepting it, those Young Unrban Professionals are passing through middle age, and will soon be dying in the millions..."
AIF file 163 K
"Slip this mortal coil...on Interred...Sundays...noon...on BCN...with me...Morris Jesso."
AIF file 128 K
"In the old days, you would just scoop up whatever was left around the saws...a few snouts...a few feet..."
"...and the backing on the eyesockets...what do they call that?"
"I dunno...Mom had a name for it."
AIF file 127 K
"This is a beautiful white pudding. It's an aged ivory. It's marbled with whiter veins. It's flecked with darker spots..."
AIF file 181 K
From Lookits: "Afro-relativity: Was Einstein Black? Masturbatory recontextualiztion of Barney: I Love You; You Love Me..."
AIF file 329 K
AIF file 320K
8 March, 1997
"By the way, what was it with Paul...some kind of fatigue?"
"Um, yeah, that's right..."
AIF file 90 K
"You created a whole new language of mundane duplicity and pointless anomie...pathetic self deception."
"Do you really think so?"
AIF file 105 K
"I say to the girls, Why bother to eat? Today there is no free lunch..."
"I understood there...was going to be a lunch....no?"
AIF file 118 K
"...and share the misery...with good parents of bad children."
AIF file 76 K
"Then join the hunt for a new economic paradigm. Is it in the canteen? Maybe it's down in the basement. Behind the photocopier? Ah well, it's bound to turn up..."
AIF file 106 K
22 February, 1997
"Bill...ya got the worms in your mouth?"
"You gotta keep 'em in your mouth!"
AIF file 163 K
"Bill...you didn't take my socks, did you, Bill?"
AIF file 58 K
"Whattya think about...men...being together?"
"Sometimes I think about women being together...gives me kind of a warm feeling... where are you going with this, Ger?"
AIF file 145 K
"I'm just trying to figure out who I am..."
"You're an arsehole. Question answered."
AIF file 52 K
9 November, 1996...
"These men on blades, clad in blue and red...they seem to be carrying the weight
of the world...in an existential funk here as they glide across the solid state H2O.
Do I pass, or do I kill myself, they ask..."
WAV file: 199 K
AIF file: 199 K
2 November, 1996...
"The media is controlled by the left. They're the ones putting the kibosh on the death
penalty...because if it were up to us you know we'd be frying Mr. Pothead, Mr. Crack Cocaine in the Breakfast
WAV file: 336 K
AIF file: 336 K
26 October, 1996...
19 October, 1996...
12 October, 1996...
"With a grandchild under each arm, a culvert to knit and mayoral duties for the
Town of Sop's Bight, Libby's dance card looks full. But wait...she's still got to bottle a moose."
WAV file: 279 K
AIF file: 279 K